Thursday, December 18, 2014


Our Courtney continues to fight. 

She is as stubborn in death as she has been all her life. She rallied late Tuesday and Wednesday, smiling and humming on occasion. It was a gift for certain but once one is ready to say goodbye, the waiting becomes burdensome.  

We are beyond exhausted as a family but I wanted all those who have lit candles and are sitting in vigil with our girl to know where we are in this long goodbye. 

Last night had some very challenging moments but she is still here, although very weak and her breathing patterns change by the hour. She is no longer speaking or humming. She is not moving much and does not wish to be held anymore. 

I don't know what else to say except to ask for prayers for a swift, peaceful, happy death for our young saint. 

May God greet her at Heavens Gate soon. 


Wednesday, December 17, 2014


How I love computers. 

Ummmm...not so much...

This morning I was working on the post to be put up when Courtney passed away, trying to take the time to make sure I said what I needed to. 

It accidentally posted.


Of course this kind of thing would happen to me!!! Sweet Molly!! Give to me very large break, oh great big universe!!

I crashed the internet for 30 seconds. 

Courtney is still with us fighting hard. As of 5:40 p.m. Wednesday, December 17, 2014 our daughter is still alive. She is calm and happy,but very, very weak. I told her what happened and she smiled as if to say "Not gone yet Mama. Still got some work to do". 

We continue to wait and hope for a peaceful passing. God's will be done. 

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

almost home...

Your outpouring of love and prayers for our Courtney have been overwhelming, so I decided to break cyber silence and let you know where we were. She is such a fighter, I have a feeling she will not let go quickly. 

Tonight we bathed her for the last time and then she received last rights and general absolution from Fr. B. 

She is in no pain. 

We wait in vigil for Our Lord to bring her home. 

Monday, December 15, 2014

letting go...

Miss Courtney's time this side of heaven can be counted in days now. She has stopped accepting her g-tube formula and has not peed in almost 23 hours, all signs of the final days. This will be my last update until she is in God's arms. Please pray for peace and calm as we let our daughter go. ‪

Friday, December 12, 2014

seriously more...

5:40 p.m. EST - 
Need a few prayers y'all. When it rains it flippin pours. Our heat is out. Have put in an emergency service call. Don't know how much more I can take.

7:55 p.m. EST -
So the mother board in the heater is dead. We won't have the part for another 3-4 days. Thank you God for space heaters on sale at Walmart and neighbors who come to the rescue. 

On top of all of this craziness, Miss Courtney is now dealing with reflux and is not really enjoying her feeding time. We were told to watch for this and here it is. We have done some troubleshooting with Doctor friends and hopefully we have come up with a plan to help her be comfortable. 

Then there is Jerry's job situation. So many interviews and nada, nothing, zero, zilch. He is frustrated and discouraged. I am frustrated and discouraged. Now we are cold to boot. 

A friend said that the devil hates it that a new saint is soon to be in heaven which is why we are undergoing so many trials right now. If that's the case the GET BEHIND ME SATAN!! I do not have time, energy or the emotional bank to deal with this s@#$!! 

I need a stiff drink and a winning lottery ticket. GAH!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

time is a gift...


"He gives strength to the weary, he strengthens the powerless. Youths grow tired and weary, the young stumble and fall, but those who hope in Yahweh will regain their strength, they will sprout wings like eagles, though they run they will not grow weary, though they walk they will never tire." 
Isaiah 40: 29-31

Todays readings spoke directly to me and where we are today with Courtney. HOPE gives strength to the weary. Our daughter is growing weary, very weary. 

She is having a harder time taking her tube feedings and digesting what is given. Her poor little tummy is just a mess. We have troubleshooted with the feeding team and have done what we could to adjust to her current needs. They seem to change by the day. 

She can no longer sit on her own and is having a hard time holding her head up without support. She is more comfortable in bed than in any other position for the majority of her day. She still smiles and snuggles into my arms. I am so very grateful for that. I know that I will hold those precious memories in my heart for decades to come. When Daddy gives her kisses she still giggles. Such a gift to us as her body slowly begins to shut down. 

I am not sure how much time we have, maybe a day, days or a week, possibly two at the most. Only God knows. She has once more surprised her Doctors who did not expect her to still be with us given her seizures and difficulty with feeding. But then that's what our Courtney has always done. She perseveres and pushes through the most difficult situations with a smile and a princess attitude to boot. 

Unfortunately with her weight loss, her liver and kidney issues and the severity of her seizures, unless God intends to grant us a miracle of stupendous ridiculously awesome proportions, our girls full healing will only come when she enters heavens gates and rushes into her Beloveds arms.  

When I spoke to the Doc yesterday he told me what to watch for and how to proceed to make sure Court has all she needs to be comfortable and at peace for the remainder of her time this side of heaven. He felt her time here could be counted on one hand given her symptoms but then you can never count Miss Courtney out. She is a fighter. 

So we wait. We love. We pray. We sing. We hold her and then we do it all over again. It is a privilege to love her all the way to the finish line. This is one race I will never forget. Thank you Lord for this time. 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

66.2 pounds...

My heart tells me (and the doctors as well) that our time together is growing shorter. Miss Courtney is now 66.2 pounds and falling. Her poor heart and lungs are beginning to strain. Her tummy too. 

Only God knows the time of her heaven homecoming for certain but sometimes He allows Our Lady to whisper into a Mothers heart to help prepare her. 

I feel so very close to Mother Mary right now. She walks this road with me. She has provided such peace of heart for me. 
This time with Courtney is such a gift. 

My heart overflows with the blessing of it, 


Tuition Assistance for Jonathan
put "Jonathan's Tuition" in the note section. 
 **We humbly thank you for any help paying off Courtney's extensive medical bills 
             and taking care of the cost of the remainder of her final arrangements**
We Love the Lenaburgs - Team Courtney Fundraiser

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