I know, you probably think that's the wimps way out. I can hear my husband now "You can't just put your head in the sand Mary. You just have to learn to not let it affect you."
When Courtney was alive my life revolved around her daily care. I didn't have time or energy to invest in anything but keeping those details straight as well as being a mother to Jonathan and a wife to Jerry. Then she died and I went into a deep, dark hole for six months and slowly crawled my way out of it. I started a new job and began participating in the world again.
These days I'm thinking that deep dark hole I was in was pretty darn nice. Mind you, I am no wimp. Strong and sassy is my game but lately I just can't take it all in. Our world is so injured and there seems to be an abundance of hate and intolerance being broadcast daily to a town near you. Last week my heart broke again with another attack overseas combined with more shootings here at home, added to the current political climate and even closer to home there is strife in the life of friends and family.
I scarce can take it in. I felt the familiar pull of hopelessness that I had fought every moment of everyday when my sweet daughter was with me and suffering so with seizure after seizure, day after day. It actually took me by surprise. I thought I was done with that battle. Courtney is in heaven having completed her job here on earth with so much courage and love. What could possibly be as bad as that?
Hate plus indoctrination.
Hate plus selfishness.
Hate plus lack of faith in the One True God.
Hate plus the breakdown of the family.
I reached a point I just couldn't take it anymore, so I turned it off and took along deep breath.
So much better. At least for a few days. Then I started to feel like a quitter and a wimp. I could hear my dad's voice in my head "Get back in the fight Mar. Use all the weapons you've got to fight the hate."
All the weapons you've got...
My first thought was of Our Lady of Fatima and the rosary. When the Blessed Mother appeared to three children in Portugal in 1917, the world was at war and people felt hopeless. There was chaos everywhere you looked. I sort of feel the same way today.
When Our Lady appeared she said "I am the lady of the Rosary." and encouraged the three children to pray the rosary daily. When she appeared again she encouraged the three children saying that if they prayed the rosary that “My Immaculate Heart will triumph”
The message of Fatima invites us to trust in this promise. Again Pope Benedict XVI states “the exhortation to prayer as the path of “salvation for souls” and, likewise, the summons to penance and conversion.”
So how does this strong and sassy lady plan to take on the anxiety and uneasiness of living in today's world?
This chick is going seriously old school baby. 1917 old school. It's time to pound those beads one decade of the time. Our Lady said her Immaculate Heart will triumph and I am her newest daily warrior in that war. No more anxiety or panic. No more useless anger and shouting at the TV.
Instead this Mary got peace, hope and decades of love.
Care to join me?
Let's get our prayer on shall we?