At a Crossroads...

The past six months have been at times filled with extreme stress followed by extreme joy. After all is said and done I now find myself at a crossroads in my life. My son Jonathan, whom I have homeschooled for ten years, will graduate on May 17 in a small family ceremony. He will be off to university in the fall and the house will be so much quieter. Courtney will still be home, but her life is one of routine and ritual. So now what am I supposed to do?

I am a 40 year old women who......? 


You got me. I am stumped. I write, sew, bake, cross-stitch, quilt, scrapbook, and write some more. Is that what the next 40 years will be filled with (if I am so blessed to live a long productive life)?

I am sure it is a question that many women find themselves asking at some point. I have spent the last 20 years being defined as a wife, mother, sister, teacher and friend. I still feel like I am all those things and so much more. I just question the direction I am supposed to walk in now that the landscape of my everyday life is changing.

I have days where my arms long for another soul to rock and sing to, to teach and learn from. That is not to be. There are days when I long for the "career" that so many women have found fulfillment in. But my life as a mother requires my constant presence at home and an availability to my daughter that will never end until God carries her home. I don't mind this, as a matter of fact, I am so grateful for her and the fact that I am still needed.

I know that I need to take better care of my physical, spiritual and emotional self and I am doing that. But seriously, life's answers are not found on a treadmill, at least not for me. I am to busy trying not to have a stroke or I am obsessing about the last cupcake I ate and how long I have to sweat to work it off. Then it's "when can I have another ?" Not a lot of deep thought going on while I am huffing and puffing.

So I pray and I keep moving forward. I take care of my family as best I can and I figure that when He is good and ready, the Holy Spirit will guide me and let me know which way to go. For now, it's one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.