cutting the apron strings...

We just dropped Jonathan off with his ride back to school. 

It was different this time, more difficult for me than in August. God has been really pushing me to trust in His provisions for Jonathan. He has been speaking deep in my heart to cut the apron strings completely and give my son over to Him. 

I have to say, I am struggling with this.

J hit some bumps in the road his first semester as all freshmen are sure to do. So he was ready to come home at Christmas and be surrounded by the familiar.

We enjoyed the holidays together talking and laughing about all his adventures. He sought some direction from our pastor with some thing that were burdening his heart and we prayed very specifically about others. 

I was feeling very positive about his return to school as was he.

Then we had to say goodbye again and I just didn't want to let him go. I wanted him to stay, where I knew he would be OK. But then, that's not what God or J needed me to do. 

Jonathan was standing there, with a wide grin and a light heart ready to begin the next adventure in his life. I knew I had to walk away. So with tears in my eyes, I let him go again, my heart breaking as he drove away.

I know that he will do well and will succeed at anything he sets his mind to. I hope he follows the path God places upon his heart. What will I do to ease my mind and heart through yet another transition in life? I will be praying for him everyday and I will be ready to listen whenever he needs to talk. 

For young men, that's not very often, so I need to be ready when he is. This is the part no one tells you about. This emptiness in the pit of your stomach or the sadness in your heart. God needing you to walk away and trust. 

Cutting the apron strings completely this time, with a prayer to Jonathan's guardian angel, I will let go...and let God lead him where he needs to be. I know that he is not alone in this journey and neither am I.


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