Looking for the Light...

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. 
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

These past few weeks have brought a tremendous amount of stress and strain to my wee little brain and I have to say...I cracked. Many of you read this post and called, emailed, posted, and prayed for me in the following days. Some came by with coffee and yummy sweet things and even a delightful roast chicken. Everyone was very concerned about Court and myself as we dealt with the precarious nature of her seizure disorder and the fact that Daddy was out of country.

Let me assure you that all those prayers and good wishes were felt. ALL of them (even the one's from Michigan, Ann). I am not one to give into melancholy or depression easily. I realize that my life is filled with stress and if I don't care for my physical, spiritual and mental/emotional health that bad things will happen. I was surprised at how quickly this happened. Over the course of 48 hours I was grasping for sanity trying to pull myself out of the Dark Places.
Looking back I can see several places where I took a wrong turn, beginning with changing the regular routine. When you have a family situation as we do with a severely handicapped child, routine is sacred. Truly. You do not mess with it unless you have no other options. I messed with it and paid a very dear price. Since Jerry returned a week ago, I have gotten everyone back on schedule and even tweaked it a bit to allow for a little more sway if need be. Let me tell you how happy my lovely little blond angel is! Laughing and smiling have returned, Praise God!

Another place where I let down my guard is with my daily prayer life. Shoot, I just plain opened the gate to the enemy and said "Take a seat and mess with my soul". Not good, my friends, not good! I did however realize something my friend Kathy M. once said to me. There is actually a time when you cannot pray. You can be under so much stress, strain and spiritual warfare that the words don't come. I experienced that for the first time in my life and let me tell you, I don't ever want to experience that again! 

So, how to avoid it? PRAY! EVERYDAY IN EVERY WAY! PRAY! I have gone back to what kept me sane in the first place. A daily rosary (mostly said in the car taking Court to school or running errands), offering the Divine Mercy Chaplet (so quick and easy) and reading the daily scriptures with a short meditation time. All of this I do over the course of the day adding other prayers along the way for those in distress or needing very specific prayers that particular day. Praying for others takes your mind off of where you are at any given moment and makes the temporary suffering worthwhile if you give it up for someone else (Thanks Caroline!). 

This has brought peace back to my heart and a calm to my mind. Lesson learned, NEVER stop praying even if you are very tired and very weary. God is present each and every moment of our lives to hold our hands, and ease our burdens. We just need to let Him. The Pslams are a wonderful balm to the soul. This is a great place to start. (Thanks Maria!)

The final lesson learned, walk outside or open your door and let the light in, both the natural sunlight as well as the light of friends and neighbors who wish to help you through. We are here to serve God through serving each other and guess what? Not one of us can do this alone, NOT ONE! So we need to reach out to the community that God has placed us in and let them serve. One day, that service will be payed forward to another who needs to see the Light of Christ.

Thanks to all of you who walked with me these past few weeks. To those who prayed, sacrificed, listened and wiped away my tears. I am blessed to call you friends! May the Peace of Christ always be with you!

With Love and a Grateful Heart, 

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