Thanks to everyone who emailed me or left a comment on the last post. I agree that this was not a lady like conversation. I agree that it was inappropriate to even be discussing someone's personal choice in such a disrespectful manner. However, at that moment knowing the two individuals as well as I did, God pushed me forward in a way I have not experienced before. I prayed while the other two were talking. Quick urgent prayers for the right words. Do I get up and leave OR do I take the opportunity to be Christ to them...to meet them where they were?
So many things were swirling around my head but for the first time in my life, I was bold and faced the confrontation. Believe me when I say, it was the LAST thing I wanted to do. Hands shaking and stomach turning this was my response:
***warning: graphic language and yes I use a curse word. Please do not think any less of me. I was mad.
Me - (hands in the air) Wait one second! Hold the phone! Your telling me that you think Madame X would be a more creative writer if she just lost her virginity! If she just "got it out of the way". That's insane! She is a Christian. That's not part of her makeup. Changing her workout routine, learning a new hobby...those might shake it up a bit and help her with her writer's block. Sex? Your both crazy! (take long swig of margarita and think of ordering a second one)
Writer #1 - That's your Catholic conscience talking. Your not thinking about this clearly. Your imposing your moral code on someone else.
Me - You mean like your imposing yours on her? Wait one minute! Madame X is a Christian. She has maintained her virginity because she considers it a gift to be given to the man she is to commit her life to. Your telling me that she should just throw out everything she believes in to "release her inner creativity". Do you have any idea how this would destroy her and the very foundation she has built her life on? You guys are smoking something. This is just nuts. (begin another Hail Mary)
Writer #2 - What is the big deal? It's just sex! you have too many hang ups Mary. Seriously lighten up.
Me - (gloves are now off) That's enough ladies. Sex is sacred. It is between a husband, wife and their God. The only thing created is a child if He so wills it. It is the most intimate thing we can share with another human being. This is not something you just "do" to shake up your life. This is what Madame X believes...(still praying)
Writer #2 - Sex is an act Mary. It is not sacred. It is an act of empowerment and liberation. I am so tired of some man telling me that I can't do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Me - I could not disagree with you more strongly! Your telling me we are no more than dogs giving into out base feelings. Female empowerment my a**! What about those woman who give it all away and then they are left alone and destroyed by some lowlife who took advantage of their need for love and attention? What about them?
Writer #1 - They just need to be grown-ups about it. They made the choice.
Me - Well Madame X has made a choice as well. One that should be respected and not mocked. I feel so sorry for both of you. I wish more woman loved and respected themselves enough to be patient and wait for a sacred commitment, before giving away the most precious gift they have. It breaks my heart to see the destruction promiscuity brings to the lives of so many young women.
The conversation went on for another thirty minutes or so as we went back and forth about sex, morality and the "modern" woman. It was one of the most difficult discussions I have ever had. I was uncomfortable and felt completely unprepared.
Upon my return home I spoke at length with my spiritual advisor about the situation and my frustration with being the "token" Catholic within this group. I felt like I had a huge target on my back and was considering leaving the group. He simply looked at me smiled and said "Now you know how Jesus felt when they ridiculed Him and called Him a liar. Did He run away? Should you?"
Seriously! Can't a girl get some support for her own personal pity party?? This concept of living your faith "out loud" is not fun. I was NOT having fun here! But then do we learn by being comfortable? God sometimes pushes us out of our box...waaayyyy out of our box so that He can use us to bring glory to Him. I must meet people where they are and be ready to be Christ to them. I need to not judge but listen and then always speak the truth with love. Prayer is POWERFUL! I listened that night, to Our Lady whisper in my heart and I stayed with the conversation. I didn't run away, which was so tempting.
These two woman had difficult lives filled with abuse and bad relationships. Their view on sexuality was the complete opposite of mine, one of woman power instead of self-giving love. I may be the only face of Christ they see that day, or week or year. Do I walk away offended or do I great them with the truth?
That evening I chose the truth. I share this story with you not for accolades but to prove that if God can use a lilly livered people pleaser like me to spread His message, than imagine what He could do with you, a person of strength and conviction. Are you ready to meet the challenge?
God chose to use me in a way that was neither fun nor comfortable but effective. Madame X is still a dedicated Christian and virgin. I pray that she can continue to be true to herself and her God and resist what the world is telling her. I also pray for the two lost woman. That God will heal what is broken in them and restore their faith in Him. I ask for your prayers for them as well. This is the battle we face as Catholic Christians...to LIVE OUT LOUD!!!
To Him be the Glory...Now and Always,
Labels: My Crazy Life