courtney says hello...

Helloooo everyone in bloggy world!

Courtney here...hey y'all...

Momma says that you guys have been praying very hard for me to gain some weight and get stronger. So I asked Momma to help me say a few things.

First, thank you very much for ALL of your prayers. I know I haven't gained any weight yet but I am trying very hard to. I didn't lose any this week and Momma was so happy she held me for a long time. Please keep praying and I will keep eating everything Momma feeds me...including the brussel sprouts...yuck!

Mamma's cooking makes me drool and tastes so yummy but sometimes I just can't eat anymore. Momma says that's OK, I just have to keep doing my best. I am glad she puts most of the green stuff through my tube because...well...sorry Mamma, but it's green. Ick!

Momma says this is the look I get when I have had too many carbs. Daddy says he gets the same look after a chili dog. I had my first one last week and it was so yummy but Momma said it made me "tooty" so no more chili dogs for me. Is that Daddy crying in the corner...he says it's a very sad day.

But I'm not sad cause so many people LOVE me and I just can't believe it. Momma can't either. She says we are very, very blessed. I know she's right. I am blessed indeed.

Momma says she will be back on the blog after Easter. She is really busy taking me to the doctors and making me lots of different food and feeding me every three hours. She says it's just like when I was a very little baby. She is the best Momma in the whole wide world. I even heard Jonathan say it yesterday. He said it's our little secret. He doesn't want Momma to get a big head. I kicked him. It felt good.

I love you all very much and Momma and I are praying every night for each of you.

See you soon!

Courtney

stepping away...

Hi Everyone!

I am sure you have noticed things have been a bit slow here in the last few weeks. Well they're gonna slow down even more. I need to step away until Easter. The lovely Miss Courtney is in a bit of a pickle right now and her Momma needs to give her full attention to her care.

Courtney has lost 11 pounds in the last 3 1/2 months and we are not sure why. She has begun undergoing a series of blood tests and diagnostic exams to try and figure out what's gone wrong. She and I are spending an extraordinary amount of time at the hospital and various doctors offices. We have met with a team of dietitians and gastro specialists all trying to troubleshoot and problem solve what might help our girl. I must admit that this Lent has taken quite the turn for me as Our Lord pulls my family even closer to him.

As a result of the weight loss her seizures have increased as well due to the stress on her body and too much medicine for her weight. So we join Our Lady once more walking with her Son along the Via Delarosa. Please keep our family in your prayers, especially our sweet Courtney in these next two weeks. Pray that she is able to gain weight safely and successfully and that the seizures will stay at bay during this time. Pray that her kidneys, liver and heart stay well and strong through this process.

We thank you for all your prayers. I know I keep asking for them and you are so unbelievably generous with sending them to the heavens on our behalf. Thank you does not seem adequate enough.

If you wish to join Courtney's Campaign ~ Prayer Warriors for Courtney Facebook page just click and join. I will be updating that page daily to let everyone know how things are going.

Please feel free to leave comments for Courtney and I will read them to her.

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

seasons of grieving...

Happy Monday Everyone!

My apologies I didn't post this on Saturday like I intended but life has a way of sweeping me off my feet sometimes and this weekend did exactly that. Now I am back in the swing of things I wanted to post the final installment of Kathy V's and my views on parenting a special needs child and dealing with all that entails.

In what DO you say (pt.1) we talked about the day of diagnosis and how the doctors told us about our children's less than typical future. The one thing missing from both experiences was HOPE. That has led both our families on a crusade of sorts to work with the medical establishment to try and help them understand how crucial hope is the the life of a special needs family.

In what DO you say (pt 2), we discussed what to say to someone whose child has just been diagnosed and how to support them through this journey. No two families are alike so just be aware that one may react completely differently than another. Be patient and pray for God to bless your words. Remember that it's not about you, it's about supporting and encouraging your friend/family member.

So today in our final installment in this series we are going to address one of the most emotionally difficult parts (at least for me) of raising a special needs child, grieving what you thought would be.

So here is what I posed to Kathy V:

I want to address the idea of "grieving" the typical and learning to acknowledge the miracle.

Kathy V. - "Diagnosis of a chronic condition comes with grieving -- don't think it doesn't.

You first grieve the loss of the future for your child. This is not what you would have hoped for, wished for, desired for your child.

Then, you grieve for yourself. The whole world changes, not just the child's future but your own. Dreams have to be put aside for a time or forgotten. The level of intensity changes. It is a time to search deeply and ask God how to accept the suffering that you have just been given. It is a time to abandon yourself to the Blessed Mother and allow her to care for you -- comfort you -- the way she care and comforted her Son with her loving presence.

Grief comes in stages, as we have heard from many a renowned psychologist, but what you really need to understand about living with a chronic health diagnoses for yourself a loved one or your child, is that grief is cyclical. It will come to you over and over again, and typically will hit when you least expect it -- a song on the radio, seeing a pregnant woman (if you have a child with special needs or lost a child), a comment that hits you the wrong way in a vulnerable moment, i.e. you've had no sleep, you're run down, etc.

A strong faith life and a sincere trust that God will carry you, that His grace is sufficient -- as is told to us in 2 Cor 12:9 -- should be the ballast to which you cling through your grief.

Good friends that stand by you are also a source of strength and comfort, try not to isolate yourself when the grief cycle hits. It is perfectly fine to want to be alone with your thoughts, just not isolated in them."

Mary L - "When I was a young girl I played with dolls all the time, unless there was a new baby my Mom would let me hold. As the second eldest of eight and the oldest daughter, this was not as unusual as you would think. I remember caring for my three youngest siblings most of all. One thing I have always known is that I wanted to be a mother. I loved children and I babysat all the time. What joy children bring to my world.

When we were told Courtney would not be a typical child my mothers heart broke. The thought of not following the same path that we did with Jonathan was hard at first to grasp. I had no idea what it meant for our family at the time. I remember watching my nephew roll over for the first time when Courtney was two. I just watched in utter amazement at the simple joy in R's eyes that he had done it! He got to see the world from a new perspective because he understood he could move. Courtney does not roll over to this day. She does rock from side to side bit no rolling. I remember excusing myself from the room and quietly crying in the powder room.

What embarrassment I felt that day. I was pretty hard on myself struggling internally with the true reality of my life and future. This was not going to be easy. I realized then that this grief I was feeling over everything Court couldn't do was going to come in waves throughout the years.

There would be seasons of grieving. I need to accept that what I wanted for my daughter was not going to be. I was being called to surrender MY will for HIS will and I needed to be content with WHATEVER that was, either life or death for Courtney.

As Courtney has gotten older I have learned to celebrate each smile as a gift. When she laughs EVERYTHING stops and we spend time in the moment celebrating her joy. I try to recall these happy times when we are going through another trial. It gives me hope that I will hear that laugh once more.

God has also provided many miracles along the way that I thought would never happen. Her First Communion and Confirmation, both of which I never thought would be possible, are stories for another day. We are just so grateful to God for continually blessing us through this child.

This year is a bit harder for me than most I must admit. This year would have been her senior year of high school had things been typical. There would have been college visits and prom dress shopping and maybe even a beau. Who knows. What strikes at my heart is the loss of conversation with my daughter, talking about her dreams for her life, maybe even sharing the ups and downs of marriage and the experience of having children one day. These are things I talk with my mother about all the time.

My beautiful Courtney will probably never say "momma' or "I love You". This used to crush me and then one day I stopped to think about it and prayed for some peace of heart. God's answer to my prayer...she will be saying it for an eternity, so be patient.

So I acknowledge when that grief comes. It's a natural part of this journey. I no longer feel bad or embarrassed about it. Sometimes I write about it, sometimes I seek the comfort of my husband or a very dear friend and just talk through my feelings or cry. But each and every time, without fail, I think of the Blessed Mother who knew the outcome for her son and still she walked patiently beside him, encouraging and loving him until the end. I call upon her help to pray with me to her son who gave me this beautiful blessing, this innocent little bird to love and protect. Then I wipe away my tears and square my shoulders calling upon God's grace once again to fill in the gaps of my heart and be ENOUGH.

How can you not love this face!

Many years ago Jerry and I chose a scripture for our daughter to pray in time of crisis or grief.

"For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

And so life moves on through the twists and turns of each day with a new adventure around the corner. Thanks for coming along for the ride...

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

what DO you say? (part two)...

So yesterday Kathy V. and I shared what happened on the day of diagnosis. I think it is safe to say that we were both profoundly affected by how we were told about our children's futures. I also think it's safe to say that we have fought every single day to stay in that positive space celebrating the blessings of these children.

Of course as any reader of this blog knows, discouragement and frustration come and sometimes is is darn hard to overcome them. Each day is a journey that we take with Jesus walking beside us loving us as we love our children. THIS JOURNEY IS NO DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER MOTHERS!! We just have to deal with more trauma and drama on a daily basis, that's all.

So I asked Kathy the following:

2. Put yourself in my shoes in the grocery store parking lot. What would you have said in response?

Kathy V. - "I would have smiled and reminded the person not to compare their struggles to my own. God gives us each a unique cross; mine is not hers. It's okay to need to vent about life a little, that's what friends do for one another -- we listen. Just because you are not changing adult diapers or feeding your teenage child a sippy cup to make sure that they receive the proper protein in their diet through nutritional supplements doesn't mean that what the Lord has given you to handle is any less significant than what He has given me. It's just different.

In essence, I would diffuse the situation by given the person permission to complain to me. I would still be there to listen; I would not be there to judge their sufferings against my own, or to think,"How dare they waste my time with their trivial matters, when my life is what it is!" I'm sure that is the fear that strikes most people who find themselves complaining to me about carpools, kid issues, etc. I'm not offended by your trials, I am here to listen and help."

Mary L. - "I totally agree with that, accept in this case it was a serial offender and I thought it was best to run. I will say that the word that did me in was "awful". There are many things that are "awful" in life, Courtney is NOT one of them. I have said enough on that topic...moving on..."

3. Someone's loved one is diagnosed with XYZ. What do you say to them?

Kathy V. - "First: "I heard about XYZ, how are you?" That is often enough to ask in order to get a sense of where the person is in relation to the diagnosis.

Second: "Do you need to talk?" Sometimes just the offer to listen or to hold someone while they cry is what our mission is when a loved one receives an ugly diagnosis. (Remember: an ugly diagnosis can range from allergies to cancer -- it is the state of mind and soul of the person that determines the reaction to bad news)

Third: MAKE IT ABOUT THEM! While we all have experiences and information, sometimes it is important to hold off until the person has had a chance to digest what has just happened to them. Comforting statements like, "I understand", "I'm here for you", "What do you need from me?" will help the person realize they are not alone. "

Mary L. - "As my mother used to say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." The other thing is it's really OK to say "I don't know what to say?". There are many situations we are faced with in life that words fail us. Just hug them and let them know your there. Be sincere in your support. Be honest and be present when they need a shoulder to cry on. DON'T counsel...LISTEN and pray with them if they are open to it. Kathy's third point is crucial. Make it about them and where they are.

One other thing...I have what I call my "Sunshine Brigade". These are other woman in my life that I go to when I need help out of my pit. This rainbow runs both ways for me. I listen to them, they listen to me. I am blessed to be surrounded by such good friends. They have proven over the years to be faithful and uplifting whenever I am in need of some positive input. I encourage anyone who is going through difficulty to find someone positive that can be your go to person on those difficult days.

So my friends, what have people said to you that you found healing and helpful during your time of need? What have they said that you wished you could stuff back into their mouths?

Be honest and open. Let's talk about this so we can be in support of one another no matter what challenges we face.

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

lovely nella is on cnn...

Check out the lovely Nella and her Mom Kelly who will be apprearing on CNN next week., March 16 @ 4pm.

Go Nella Go! Tell the world how fabulous you are girlfriend!!

what DO you say? (part one)...

Last Monday I recounted a situation that left me...well...dumbfounded, really mad and if I am being honest with myself, hurt. I threw a post together and pressed publish. Little did I know what I had stumbled into. I received emails, facebook and blog comments as well as a few phone calls. When all was discussed and hashed through one question remained.

What DO you say?

I thought about this all week. I had some fabulous conversations with friends of mine who have special needs children. I talked to my friends with large families and those who had been diagnosed with chronic or life threatening illnesses. Their answers to this question were fascinating so I thought I would share what I learned here.

My friend Kathy V. who blogs over at Faith on the High Wire, has a fifteen year old son Eddie who has significant special needs. I asked her to contribute to these posts so you had more than just one voice on these things.

First up we talked about how we were told our children would not be typical kids. For both of us (and many others) the very beginnings of our journey's with these children were impacted greatly by the medical community.

1. Going back to the day of diagnosis, what was said to you? What did you wish was said?

Kathy V. - "Eddie's diagnosis was not accomplished on a single day. So many mis-statements were made during Eddie's diagnosis process, so many harmful and inaccurate words were tossed at us. I think what was disconcerting about the whole matter was not so much the words that were said as the lack of compassion with which they were hurled at us. "He'll never sit up, or walk, or feed himself..."etc.

The kicker of all comments, as bad the couple I have offered sound was this one: "You are obsessing over your child, he is going to be what he is going to be." Now, on the surface that may sound reasonable -- unkind, but reasonable. However, the practitioner in question was responding to me in front of a group of medical students in an exam room where I was sent from the ER to have my child's condition assessed by this specialist. (Note, I had to leave an emergency room with a sick child to assent the mountain of professional specialist) During the exam, these ugly words were said to me -- later my child was found to be toxic on medication prescribed by this same practitioner -- he could easily have died if I had not gotten up the courage to get out of the care of that particular specialist right after that display of utter lack of professionalism and compassion -- not to mention, lousy medicine.

I don't have a problem with the truth, but I wish that what was said to us had been offered with a level of hope. Only two medical professionals in the whole diagnosis process were hopeful. The rest of the team was doom and gloom. My Eddie is moderately mentally retarded, walks, feeds himself and goes to school, camp, Challenger Baseball, swimming, etc. He is nothing like the initial predictions.

So what do I wish they had said, "Here is the data we have about Eddie's diagnosis, it doesn't sound good. However, NO ONE KNOWS what the future holds. Do what you can to enhance the abilities that you see, and don't give up. He has A LOT of potential."

Lyle and I had to have the courage to believe that on our own, without the support of the professionals most of the time. It would have been easier if they had been more positive, less discouraging and more able to see and respond to the resilience and hope that Lyle and I possess as gift from God.

Mary L. - Courtney started having seizures at five weeks of age for no known reason. After months of tests and specialists, hospital visit after hospital visit, we were at Johns Hopkins for a round of testing in their Pediatric Research Unit. They did everything to this kid that was medically available at the time to try and figure out what was wrong.

On our final day there, the team came in to give me their perspective of the week. The Pediatric Neurologist, Dr. Freeman began a very long and lengthy dissertation of all of Courtney’s ailments, from seizures with no known cause, cortical blindness to severe developmental delays. “Mrs. Lenaburg,” she said, “Your daughter will probably not live to her third birthday. She won’t be able to walk or talk. She will be wheelchair bound and will be severely mentally and physically retarded. She will be completely dependent on you for the rest of her life.” I sat stunned in silence, before nodding my head and weakly saying, “Ok.”

The social worker was next. “Mrs. Lenaburg, 80% of all marriages with severely disabled children end in divorce within the first five years. We suggest you and your husband go into counseling immediately to help prevent this.” She said softly while holding my hand. “Also, we understand you have another child, your son Jonathan, he’s four now?” She asked quizzically. “We recommend family therapy as well to help with the guilt and anger he may feel.” I remember being completely baffled because she tilted her head and gave me the briefest of smiles and squeezed my hand before yielding to the next troubadour of good news.I had to mentally shake myself to pay attention to the floor nurse.

The floor nurse then went over Courtney’s daily care plan with me including special charts for diet and medications to help curtail the seizures. I sat stunned realizing that not only would our daughter die, Jonathan might end up in jail because of his anger at being ignored by his parents and Jerry and I would be divorced in the next few years. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe what I was feeling that day. We signed this discharge papers and went home to watch our daughter die or so we thought.

Not one person offered up HOPE! Not ONE.

"We THINK these things might happen. Be PREPARED for theses things to happen. SURROUND yourself with the best therapists and teachers. Make the MOST out of what she does have." That is what I wish someone had said. That fight was up to God, Jerry and I. It has been seventeen years and she continues to fight for every breath.

Now you have a better understanding of how Courtney's journey started. This is what we were met with. This is what we had to overcome with every medical professional, therapist, teacher and family member. It has not been easy however with HOPE and the LOVE of Our Creator, all things are possible.

How about you my dear readers? How have you handled difficult moments where everyone was telling you all was lost?

HOPE heals all things!

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

miss ivy's noodles...

This is the most ridiculously easy recipe known to man kind. It is named for a former neighbor from NAB Little Creek named Ivy. She was from the Philippines and one of the most hospitable people I have ever known. She would make something fabulous at least once a week and open her doors to the neighborhood. Her Pancit was to die for! It brings back some really wonderful memories from our Navy days.

Celebrate the Feast!

Mary

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miss Ivy's Noodles

3 packages Beef Ramen Noodles

(using only two of the flavor packets)

a dash of sesame oil

2 raw eggs (scrambled in a bowl)

1 teaspoon soy sauce (add in w/eggs)

1 bunch of green onions, chopped finely

Follow directions on package to make noodles. Add in sesame oil. Once noodles are done, add in raw egg and stir through. They will cook in the hot water. Add in green onions. Serve hot.

small successes (vol.29)...

"It’s important for moms to recognize that all the small successes in our days can add up to one big triumph. So on Thursday of each week, we do exactly that."

Danielle Bean @ Faith and Family LIVE!

1.

OK...really stretching it this week to find something to write...

still stretching...

Oh...I know...I have kept the house fairly clutter free for an ENTIRE week.

Proud Martha moment here...oh yea! oh yea!

2.

I have been sewing again. It feels so wonderful to create loveliness once more.

3.

I am hosting Easter Dinner this year. This is a success because I talked my husband into it. We have a very mall house (900 sq feet) and I have a large extended family (I have six brothers and one sister) so this will be interesting. Everyone is bringing something and I am making the roast pig.

Fun will be had by all!

Let's celebrate the small successes in life. Head on over to Faith and Family LIVE to be inspired!!

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

wordless wednesday...

tasty tuesday...black eye pea and sausage soup...

Here we are again...Tasty Tuesday. The lovely Farmer's City Wife@City wife, Country Life is hosting once again. Please hop on over and post your own favorite recipe or just take a peek at what others are cooking. You might just be inspired.

So this week it's all about soup. Black-Eyed Pea and Sausage Soup to be exact. This recipe comes from on of my stand-by cook books Betty Crocker Whole Grains. This cookbook has been a wonderful addition to my library introducing me to a whole new world of grains. In this particular recipe I used wheat berries. They remind me of barley. A tremendous source of fiber.

This recipe was a hit with my guys. It has sausage in it so that's a given. You could edit the recipe and go meatless fairly easily. Between the beans and wheat berries it is very hardy. So play around with it and see what works for you and your family.

Celebrate the Feast!

Mary

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Black-Eyed Pea and Sausage Soup

recipe from Betty Crocker Whole Grains Cookbook

Ingredients:

2 cans (15-16 oz each) black-eyed peas, drained, rinsed

12 oz smoked turkey kielbasa sausage, cut lengthwise in half, then sliced crosswise

4 medium carrots, chopped (2 cups)

4 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1 cup uncooked wheat berries

2 cups water

3 cans (14 oz each) reduced-sodium beef broth

2 cups shredded fresh spinach

1 teaspoon dried marjoram leaves

Directions:

*In a 3 to 4 quart slow cooker, mix all ingredients except spinach and marjoram.

*Cover; cook on Low heat setting 8 to 9 hours.

*Stir in spinach and marjoram. Cover; cook on Low heat setting about 15 minutes longer or until spinach is tender.

surrendering the choice...

I read this this morning and knew I had to share it. A powerful message for this Lent. It has given me a lot of fruit for thought. Let me know what you think...

surrender the choosing@FaithandFamilyLIVE!

guy's tequila wings...

It is almost time for a little March Madness so I thought I would post some yummy "guy" snacks. This one just happens to be from the wild and crazy Guy Fieri of Food Network fame. I have eaten my fair share of chicken wings in my lifetime. They are usually pretty spicy and accompanied by the prerequisite blue cheese dipping sauce. Needless to say I was looking for a change, something new and different. Well bring on the tequila because I found it!

These wings have a little kick to them but nothing overpowering. what I loved about them was the lime. It was fresh and with the agave syrup a little sweet with just a hint of heat from the adobo sauce. They were sticky and had a crunch on the outside due to the broiling. They were the different I was looking for AND did not require any dipping sauce. They stood up on their own. All in all about a 8.5 on the wing scale. So give them a try and let me know what you think.

Celebrate the Feast!

Mary

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guy Fieri's Tequila-Lime Wings

Recipe courtesy of Guy Fieri for Food Network Magazine

Ingredients

For the Wings:

3 pounds chicken wings, split at the joint, tips removed

Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

For the Sauce:

1 teaspoon grated lime zest

1/2 cup fresh lime juice

1/4 cup tequila

1 tablespoon agave syrup

(sometimes called agave nectar)

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon adobo sauce

Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

Chopped fresh cilantro, for garnish (optional)

Directions

Prepare the wings: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Season the wings with salt and pepper and arrange on a baking sheet in a single layer. Cook until just brown and crisp, about 45 minutes.

Make the sauce: Combine the lime zest and juice, tequila, agave syrup, cumin, adobo sauce, 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/2 tablespoon pepper in a bowl. Pour over the warm wings and let marinate at least 30 minutes.

Preheat a grill to high. Grill the wings until marked, 10 to 15 minutes, turning as needed. Transfer the marinade to a saucepan and cook until slightly thick, about 8 minutes (you can do this on the grill as well). Drizzle the wings with the sauce and top with cilantro, if desired.

what NOT to say...

Me: Hey XYZ. How are you? How is the family?

XYZ: We are hanging in there. It's been a tough few weeks. Nothing like you deal with everyday though.

Me: What do you mean?

(at this point I should have just smiled, wished her well and went on my way, but I did not. Lesson learned.)

XYZ: Well, I just don't know how you handle everything with Courtney day in and day out. It's got to be so difficult. I tell you, even on my worst day, my life doesn't compare. When things are going badly for me I just think of you and your life and I thank God I'm not you. I mean your life is just so awful to contemplate. I just could NOT do what you do. It actually makes me feel better about my day. You inspire me not to complain.

Me: (smile PLASTERED on my face, trying not to GROWL) I'm so glad I could help you out with that. Gotta go...take care.

XYZ: Give Court a hug from me.

I smiled and waved all the while casting dispersions upon her personhood. So far Monday's sin score is Devil - 1, Mary - 0.

*warning...sailor language coming*

Note to anyone else who thinks my life is complete s*#@ because I have a child with profound special needs. Look at this face and tell me what is so hard about loving this soul:

PLEASE...when you are trying to encourage someone (I am CHOOSING to be positive here and give her the benefit of the doubt) DO NOT to say things like this. It's downright insulting people.

Yes, there are difficult days where I eat chocolate bunnies or worse yet, wallow in self-pity. I am human after all, sorry to disappoint anyone who has placed me at Super Hero status. Just flesh and bone here doing my best to live the life God has granted me as well as I can. Some days better than others.

As for the intergalactic plan that placed this beautiful soul in my care, God is God and I am not. He knows the plans He has for this child and for me. I do not. What I DO know is that I love her with everything in me and I WOULD NOT CHANGE THIS BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY FOR ALL THE TEA IN CHINA!

Side Note - Yes, I did say many nasty things in my head as I stomped back to my car. No, I did not run over the woman above with my car or become physically violent in any way. I did not curse her children or steal the chocolate from her grocery cart. This is not to say I did not think about doing any or ALL of these things to her and more.

Be positive! Be encouraging! LOVE as you are loved by your Creator.

Don't be rude to a menopausal mother. It's just plain unpleasant for all of us.

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

saturday evening blog post (vol.3)

So it's time to celebrate the past month of blogging. Elizabeth has asked that we post a link to our favorite blog post from February. I had to think about this one. Then it hit me like a cold snowball.

February was all about the "Snowmageddon 2010". So the post I decided to share featuring a lovely picture of how I was dealing with the whole situation is:

slowly...losing...my...mind...

Head on over to Elizabeth's for more Saturday Evening Blog Posts...

happy reading!

Mary

chicken and cheese enchildas...

So, it finally the weekend! Yeah!! We made it. All in all an interesting week to say the least. I have taken care of all those lovely household chores and now am ready for some good eats!

My husband grew up in Oklahoma the land of chicken fried steak, barbeque beef brisket and buttermilk biscuits w/sausage gravy. Being only four hours from the Texas/Oklahoma border his second favorite food group is TexMex. Mind you, he married a girl from the Chesapeake Bay who had never heard of stuffed pablano peppers or huevos rancheros. So early in our marriage I perfected my homemade taco seasoning mix as well as my tortilla frying skills but that's as far as I got. It's only in the past few years that I have branched out and learned a few new recipes like these Easy Chicken Enchiladas.

These have become a regular visitor to family table. A real comfort food for my hubby. The jewel of this recipe is the Fast Enchilada Sauce. You will never want to eat canned sauce again. It is simple and so flavorful. I keep all the ingredients on hand all the time now. I use it over any type of enchilada or huevos rancheros.

So if your looking for something with a little kick and a lot of comfort, give this recipe a shot.

Celebrate the Feast!

Mary

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Easy Chicken Enchiladas

recipe from The American Test Kitchen Family Cookbook

3 cups cooked chicken, shredded (1 1/2 pounds)

12 ounces sharp cheddar cheese, shredded (3 cups)

2 1/2 cups enchilada sauce (recipe to follow)

1 -2 (4oz) cans chopped green chilies, drained

1/2 cup minced fresh cilantro

salt and pepper

12 (6-inch) soft corn tortillas

lime wedges for serving

1.

Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 400 degrees. Combine the chicken, 2 cups of the cheddar, 1/2 cup of the enchilada sauce, the chilies and cilantro. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

2.

Stack the tortillas on a microwave-safe plate, cover with plastic wrap, and microwave in high until warm and pliable, 40-60 seconds.

3.

Spread the warm tortillas out over a clean counter. Place 1/3 cup of the chicken mixture evenly down the center of each tortilla. Tightly roll the tortilla around the filling, then lay seam side down in a 9x13-inch baking dish lightly coated with vegetable oil spray.

4.

Lightly spray the enchiladas with vegetable oil spray . Pour 1 cup of the remaining sauce over the enchiladas to coat thoroughly. Sprinkle the remaining 1 cup cheddar down the center of the enchiladas. Cover the baking dish with foil and bake until the enchiladas are heated through, 20-25 minutes.

5.

Remove the foil and continue to bake until the cheddar browns, about 5 minutes longer. Serve, passing the remaining 1 cup of sauce and the lime wedges separately.

Fast Enchilada Sauce

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 onion, minced

1/2 teaspoon salt

3 tablespoons chili powder

3 garlic cloves, minced

2 teaspoons cumin

2 teaspoons sugar

2 (8oz) cans tomato sauce

1/2 cup water

Heat the oil in a 12-inch skillet over medium heat until simmering. Add the onion, salt and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the chili powder, garlic, cumin, and sugar. Cook until fragrant, about 15 seconds. Stir in the tomato sauce, and water. Bring to a simmer and cook until slightly thickened, about 5 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

advice from an old farmer...

My Mom sent this too me and I couldn't resist posting it. I have no idea who wrote it or where the picture comes from. If you do, leave it in the comments so we can celebrate their genius.

I highlighted my favorites. Let me know what yours are so we can laugh together. No wiser words were ever spoken.

Blessings and Grace this day,

Mary

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Old Farmers Advice:

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around..

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.

Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,

he'll just kill you.

here bunny, bunny...

There is one thing that will drive me to serious chocolate therapy faster more than any other. That would spending five or more hours at the neurologists office running tests, trouble shooting new med protocols as we try to stay ahead of the seizures while increasing Court's carb intake hopefully putting some weight on her. The balancing act is a delicate one with my daughter. I have been on that balance beam for seventeen years and sometimes I fall off. Sometimes I am discouraged and overwhelmed. Sometimes I write about it.

I have heard from many of you today offering prayers and good wishes for my sweet girl. Thank you. Thank you for reaching through cyberspace and loving my daughter through each and every trial.

I am fine. The chocolate bunnies are still in the cupboard. I don't know how long they will last, but hey, they are still there ears and butts fully intact.

I am not alone in this journey.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

There will be many more ups and downs before God brings my Courtney home to Him. I know this, I just don't like this.

So we begin once again on a new path doing the best we can for our girl. Thank you for walking it with us...

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

trapped...

There are days when it's hard for me to catch my breath. Days that send me to my knees begging for mercy and grace. Days that have me thinking those dreadful thoughts of "what if..." questioning every choice I have ever made.

When you are a parent of a special needs child, these times of suffering become intertwined with the highs and lows of caring for them day in and day out. I am grateful they don't come around very often, but when they do, they slay me.

Indeed yesterday was one of those days.

Courtney has grown two inches since September. This alone is not worrisome.

Courtney has lost ten pounds since September. We have tried for the past month to put some of those pounds back on the girl to no avail.

Houston, we now have a problem.

These days I feel trapped in a life that can't possibly be mine. I feel inadequate and unqualified. I am not smart enough or strong enough to walk this road. Aren't we supposed to be buying prom dresses and talking about college choices? Instead I am left wondering if today will be the day she has a seizure that makes her heart stop or choke while eating because she doesn't clear her food well enough. Will I hear her laugh or will she cry because she is frightened of a loud noise?

I have learned over the course of this young ladies lifetime NOT to panic when at first all seems lost. Courtney is unlike any other child I know. She follows no rhyme or reason with her condition. She marches to the beat of her own drummer. Her doctors shake their heads on a regular basis when troubleshooting the newest quandary with her care. This time is no different.

Yet, each time I am faced with a new medical challenge, a new question, I have a moment (or two or three hundred) of shear and complete panic. I begin to question past choices Jerry and I have made with her care. I allow fear to overwhelm my common sense and trust in God. All He asks of me time and time again is my patience, all will be revealed in time. Doesn't He realize this is my kryptonite? This constant dance of waiting and wondering. All I want to do is run but I am trapped.

I have no where to go but to my knees and I have the calluses to prove it.

I am scared

I AM HERE. He whispers to my soul.

I don't want to lose her.

I AM HERE. He soothes my constant fear.

I can't do this alone.

I AM HERE. He holds me once more and carries me through the pain.

I weep for the young woman I thought would be sitting next to me excited and eager to take on the world, just like her momma once was. This was not God's plan for my daughter. Again, with the patience and trust. Kryptonite I tell you!

ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU LOVE.

That is the easiest thing in the world requiring nothing but opening my mothers heart every single day. And so I do with GREAT JOY, I do. I hold this beautiful angel God sent for me to love, as she wrestles with seizure after seizure enduring each one as Christ endured the whip. I try endless therapies working to keep her limbs from becoming dead branches on a tree, hanging limply from the trunk.

I grieve what I thought would be our journey together. I must do this. I must acknowledge these things in order to move beyond them to the reality of who my daughter is.

She is the daughter of a King.

She is the heart of our home.

She is the light of Christ in a world that says she is unworthy of life.

I cling to her on these days administering extra hugs and kisses, telling her how special she is, how proud I am of her and how hard she fights and how much I love her. As I do this for her, so God does for me.

I don't know what will happen in the coming weeks as we begin test after test to determine why she is losing weight. I do know that God stands at the gate ready to release me from my sorrow and pain whenever I am ready to give it to Him.

I am no longer trapped. I know that her healing will come when God welcomes her into His kingdom. Until then, I am free to love my child as God loves me, with absolute abandon.

So I shall.

Please keep Court in your prayers as we try to figure this one out. No compliments on my so called strength or pity for my circumstance are needed or wanted, just prayers.

Blessings and Grace,

Mary

*image found @http://cutestangel.wordpress.com/2009/11/02/trapped/

small successes (vol.28)...

"It’s important for moms to recognize that all the small successes in our days can add up to one big triumph. So on Thursday of each week, we do exactly that."

Danielle Bean @ Faith and Family LIVE!

1.

I created a new recipe for my potato loving heart!!

Do you see that pillow of loveliness above? It is my new obsession. I LOVE mashed potatoes. They are buttery, creamy, fluffy little clouds of yumminess that accompany so many things so well. I could eat mashed potatoes every single day of the week. My waistline however cannot take that kind of punishment. My glycemic index would revolt and the button on my jeans would have to moved over at least an inch if not more. So what's a potato loving girl to do?

Drum roll please...cawliflower...come forward and take a bow. Yes, ladies and gents, cauliflower. I stumbled across so many different versions of smashed cauliflower in my cookbooks and each time I tried it it was too watery, too bland or to thin. I couldn't stomach it. Until this last recipe I came up with. The key is the starchiness of the potatoes. I have made it three times now and it is a winner. It's the consistency of polenta and has all the taste of mashed potatoes. It is scrumptious, so unbelievably easy and very kind to my glycemic level.

Are you ready? Here we go...

Mary's Cauliflower/Potato Mash

1 head of cauliflower chopped

2 russet potatoes, cubed into 1 inch pieces

2 cups chicken broth

1/2 stick of salted butter

Place cauliflower, potatoes and chicken broth in a large dutch oven. bring to a boil then simmer until both potatoes and cauliflower until they are tender ( a knife should easily slip in). Drain completely and shake excess water off. Place into a food processor with butter and blend until smooth. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve with your favorite main dish.

2.

I have NOT eaten anymore chocolate bunnies this week. I actually replaced the one I ate the other day. Life has calmed down a bit and my insane need for these sweet treats has all but passed. PETA would be proud of me.

3.

I have begun to work room by room to prepare for my honey's return on Sunday. The twelve loads of laundry were a wonderful motivator to get my bumm in gear and get with it. Let's just say, I am glad I have three days. Very glad...

Let's celebrate the small successes in life. Head on over to Faith and Family LIVE to be inspired!!

Happy Thursday,

Mary

mary's book basket ~ "the captain's lady"

"The Captain's Lady" by Loiuse M. Gouge arrived on my doorstep a few weeks ago. This is the first book by this author I have read and it was a wonderful escape to the time of sea captains and revolutionaries. Being married to a military historian, I have read my fair share of historical accounts of the Revolutionary War. I was pleased to see that Ms. Gouge had all her facts straight and did a spectacular job with her prose and dialogue.

However my favorite part of the book were the hero and heroine. Capt. James Templeton is a man of high honor who is willing to give his life in service of God and country. His love, Lady Marianne, is a woman above his station, who finds her inner strength and boldness of purpose as we proceed through the story. Both of them rely heavily on their faith in God to see them through the difficulties that life presents. Ms. Gouge uses a light hand with the "inspirational" parts of the plot which is refreshing. Sometimes inspirational romances can be a bit preachy and thankfully this one was not.

One thing that bothered me though was the quick resolution at the end. I would have liked to have seen Lady Marianne struggle a bit more with her final choices there by earning her happily ever after. The final scenes on the ship though were packed with powerful dialogue which in the end made me a believer.

Job well done Ms. Gouge. I look forward to the next installment.

Happy Reading,

Mary

* This book is available from your local retailer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the Back Cover:

"Captain James Templeton's orders from General Washington are clear. His target: Lord Bennington, a member of George III's Privy Council. The assignment: find Bennington's war plans. The risks: the future of the East Florida Colony, Jamie's life…and his heart. In spite of the dangers of their hopeless situation, he's fallen in love with Lady Marianne Moberly, Lord Bennington's daughter.

Desperate to protect his country, Jamie carries out his orders with a heavy heart. But Marianne's persistence is a challenge he never expected. With love and faith, they must navigate troubled waters to win their future together."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**The FCC now requires book reviewers to disclose the following. Book reviews appear regularly on this website. There are books I review on this site that I purchase myself or get from the library. However I do receive books, at no cost, in exchange for a fair and balanced review with no other compensation provided.

i miss him...

Sometimes I make you laugh and sometimes we shed a tear together. I am a complicated woman that way. Tonight in the quiet of my heart I am missing him. I am missing his laughter and teasing tone. I am missing his strong hands and caring heart. I am missing bedtime stories told in rhyme. I am missing his love of whatever culinary creation I come up with. I am missing his arms around me. He is a gift to me for an eternity and I am ever grateful to my creator for him.

It is too quiet...I am missing him.

silent loneliness

hot tears fall cleansing the heart

arms aching for him

Blessings,

Mary

tasty tuesday - veggie egg casserole

Welcome to Tasty Tuesday hosted by the lovely Farmer City's Wife over @ City Wife, Country Life. This week I kept it meatless and simple trying to keep with my Lenten Kitchen traditions.

I made a Veggie Egg Casserole that was so flippin easy! The taste was out of this world fantastic. Even my veggie phobic son loved it. Now that's saying something!!

If you want to make a more hearty version add cooked sausage or ham. So, so good. Definitely give this one a try. You won't regret it, I promise!

Head on over to City Wife, Country Life and be inspired by other talented home cooks.

Celebrate the Feast!

Mary

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veggie Egg Casserole

recipe by me (Mary L.)

INGREDIENTS:

10 eggs, lightly beaten

3 cups milk

2 teaspoons dry mustard

1 teaspoon salt

6 cups cubed bread

(I used whole grain to increase the fiber content)

2 cups shredded Monteray Jack or Swiss cheese

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1 onion, chopped

1 cup sliced mushrooms

1 bunch asparagus, sliced into 1 inch pieces

3 roasted red peppers from a jor, sliced into 1 inch pieces

1 16 oz bag of frozen spinach, thawed with all the water squeezed out

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat oven to 325 F. In large skillet, cook onion, asparagus and mushrooms over medium heat with some olive oil, stirring frequently until onions are translucent. Add in the sliced roasted red pepper. In large mixing bowl, combine eggs, milk, mustard and salt; stir well.

2. Distribute half the bread evenly in a buttered 9 x 13 x 2 inch baking dish. Sprinkle with half the bread, half the veggies, and half the cheese. Repeat layering using remaining bread, veggies and cheese. Pour egg mixture evenly over casserole.

3. Bake uncovered for 55-60 minutes, or until eggs are set. Tent with foil if top begins to brown too quickly.

i ate a chocolate bunny!!!

This morning I ate a chocolate bunny. Well to be completely truthful, I ate a dark chocolate bunny. I had purchased a few this weekend in anticipation of a run on dark chocolate bunnies closer to Easter. I was planning ahead, anticipating a need, being prepared. So this morning in a fit of lonely pathetic missing my traveling husband wifedom, I ate one. I ate ALL of it!

What would possess me to get on my step stool reaching to the very highest cabinet in my kitchen stretching my unshowered, yoga pant wearing, rumpled self to search for and finally find that sweet chocolate wonderment???

Hmmm. Let's begin at the beginning shall we.

Hubby left yesterday. He will be gone for SEVEN days. God made the world in seven days. Did you know that? Anyway, I know that there are many, many, many women out there who have spouses that travel a great deal more than mine. I also am aware that as a young Navy wife I was required to be a single mother for many months at a time. That was then, this is now.

Let's just face the facts shall we. These days, I am a wimp. A wuss whose attitude about this current trip really needs some massive adjusting. I mean it's only SEVEN days, right. What could happen in that amount of time???

Well I could give Courtney a sponge bath and have the little bucket of water overturn spilling all it's soapy contents onto my already horrible 1978 carpet, soaking both it and my yoga pants there by screaming words that should never leave a mother's mouth startling Courtney into a small seizure.

Oh yeah! Good job Mom!

I could foolishly run the dishwasher AND the washing machine at the SAME TIME, completely forgetting the previous disaster as well as my husband's kind admonition NOT to repeat that action, there by flooding the laundry room requiring more salty language and lots of mopping.

I could look at my calendar to see what was coming up this week and realize that I had written down all my extended families birthdays and anniversaries one month later than they actually are, there by missing every one's birthday and anniversary for the months of January and February leading to a frantic trip to the UPS store praising God the entire way for my Hallmark card and gift stash. Upon returning home I could have spent an entire hour re-writing my calendar. I mean it could happen!

I could be bending over cleaning out the hall closet and experience an epic fail of yoga pantdom there by splitting said pants down the middle exposing my granny pants to my blind severely disabled daughter who could then proceed to laugh at that exact moment. I could now be questioning whether she is really blind or if she just enjoys the sound of ripping stressed out knit.

Those things could happen you know.

Oh wait...they did happen...today...

Stop laughing at me...it's just plain rude!

Hubby has been gone for ONE day. I can't WAIT to see what tomorrow brings. I do know that yoga pants will not be involved.

There are two more dark chocolate bunnies left in the cabinet.

Here bunny, bunny...be afraid. Be very afraid.

Blessings and Grace,

Mary