wait and see...

There are days and then there are days.

Miss Courtney has been fighting an intestinal virus the past few days. Yesterday was a rough afternoon with lots of nastiness. This morning she woke up in better spirits after a very long night fighting seizures and tummy ickiness.

I took her into the peds office this morning and they confirmed the virus and told us to go home and keep her hydrated. We would have to wait things out.

Around two o'clock this afternoon the bottom fell out. She began to have what we call "rolling seizures". She starts having a grand mall seizure, struggling with her breathing each time. She would be in the  seizure anywhere from three - twelve minutes, then come out of it, then back in again. They were rough.

Five minutes out, twelve minutes in.

Eight minutes out, 10 minutes in.

Lips turning purple, struggling to breathe. Then she would rest for a bit and it would start again. The seizure never really stops at this point. Even though her body might not be shaking, her eyes are rolled back and she is still seizing internally.

She's been through these before. Many, many times before. I stayed calm and just kept vigil. She made it through one and then another and then another.

I called the neurologist to find out what he wanted me to do. Wait it out or take her in to the ER? He was very emphatic. Get off the phone and call 911.

It's an incredibly terrifying feeling when you call 911. At that point you are no longer in control of anyhting. Of course I wasn't in control anyway, I was delusional in my thinking.

The sirens.

The seizures continue.

The quick calls and texts to family and friends begging for prayers. That horrifying thought sneaking into my heart...is this it? Is this the one God?

Daddy holding his girls hand in the E.R...
The  EMT's barking orders and MIss Courtney seizing, limbs extended, crying out in fear. Me trying to reassure her that she is not alone. Mama is with you Court. I'm right here...

Watching them trying to get and IV started. They stuck her FIVE times before giving up. They had to call down a specialist to the ER to get a line in.

Her eyes kept rolling back. She was still seizing. Make it stop! Please make it stop!

There was craziness all around me, the controlled chaos of an ER.

Nurses asking questions.

Doctors giving orders.

IV bags hung. Drugs given. Blood drawn. LOTS of blood drawn.

Respiratory rates. Oxygen levels taken. Heart rate off the charts.

Alarms going off. Lots of annoying beeping.

My Courtney right in the middle of it all. She was out of it at first. Then as the drugs took affect and her seizures started to ebb. In time the oxygen levels came up. She began to respond to treatment.

Father B arrived. He anointed her, blessed her and we prayed the rosary while we waited for Daddy to arrive. I think that's when I began to calm down. I knew people were surrounding Court in prayer and whatever happened, someone else was driving this bus. It sure as hell wasn't me!

Father told her that he had a deal with God. She would be just fine and tonight she would be sleeping in her own bed tonight. I laughed. I told him we would be here at least overnight with all the seizure activity. He told me to wait and see the goodness of the Lord.

Apparently that's what God needed us to do. Wait and see.

Within the next two hours, things shifted around again. She fell asleep and the seizures stopped. I am always amazed and relieved when this moment comes because I know that one day it won't happen. But today was not going to be that day. Thank you God, Thank you God!

All the test results started coming in. Nothing was wrong. I shook my head. What was going on? There had to be some reason for this insanity?

waking up...finally...
Apparently she was severely dehydrated and that was throwing everything off the rails. That's why they couldn't get the line in. Her veins were collapsing.

My stomach dropped. I thought she was doing OK. I thought we were on top of things. I thought I was doing enough to keep her well.

Tears welled up in my eyes. It's my fault.

I should have been more forceful at the doctor's office earlier. I should have given her more water than I had. I should have known that she needed more. My heart was racing...I hate this! I hate not being able to help her! This is the hardest and most frustrating thing about raising a child like Courtney. She can't tell me when something is wrong. She can't tell me when her tummy hurts or when she's in pain.

Many times her seizures are the only indication that something is out of whack.

So, I guess in her own special way, she told me loud and clear that something was not right.

So we waited a little more. There was nothing more they could do for her. the seizures were stopped and her vitals had returned to baseline. She had two liters of fluid and was hydrated once more. Five hours later they let us take our girl home.

Father B was right. Miss Court was going to sleep in her own bed tonight. She is strong with the force, my daughter is. God has quite the job for her to do and apparently it's still needs doing. Wait and see he had said.

I know without a doubt in my heart that this was a direct result of your prayers. ALL of you!! Your tweets and FB posts surrounding my girl with love and prayers. You overwhelm my family with your LOVE! You truly do!

Someone told me this afternoon not to worry. I was not alone in this journey. God took the rest of the day to show me and my family HIS FACE, HIS HEART, HIS LOVE through each of you.

The best part of my day, was watching my girl's face light up when her brother came home from work an hour ago. Jonathan went right to his sister and started telling her what a trouble maker she was and that she needed to tone down the drama. Then he gave he kisses all over her sweet face.

She laughed. Full out laughed at Jonathan. I haven't heard that laugh in days. It is the best medicine for this tired Mama's heart.

This is the way things go in the Lenaburg house. Your walking along and then the bottom falls out. You hang on by your fingernails and just when you think it's game over, God shows His plan.

You just have to wait and see and soon enough HIS goodness will be there for ALL to see.

For today...everything's going to be OK.