I woke up this morning a bit confused.
I looked over at the clock and saw that it was 6:52 a.m.
I had slept EIGHT hours straight without interruption.
Miss Courtney had a peaceful night without a grand mal seizure. She's still sleeping, holding her puppy and smiling. The angels must be telling a pretty good story right now.
I feel rested. I can't remember the last time I felt that way.
I have hope once more. Well, I always have hope but this morning I have JOYOUS hope.
I can't. stop. smiling.
I have been witness to many miracles in my my daughter's life. There have been a few moments where I have heard the voice of God.
I have been patient and waited for answers wondering what would happen next.
I have let go completely and allowed God HIS rightful domain to choose wether Courtney remains with us or if it is time for her to be with Him. I will admit out of all of this, totally releasing her to HIS domain is one of the most difficult things I have ever done as a parent or a believer.
I wanted to share the photo below with you all. This was take as we pulled out of the driveway yesterday morning. I was sleep deprived and teetering on an all out breakdown. I knew that the news we would receive would be difficult and probably all negative. I needed coffee and a spa treatment, not a one hour drive to the hospital on Rt 66.
Look at her face. Do you think she looks distressed or upset in any way?
|Look at the JOY on my girls face...I think she new something we didn't...|
Not at all. I think she knew before we did. I think she knew that everything was going to get better really soon.
I think she was excited to hear the shouts of joy and the high-five's that would come a few hours later. I think it made her smile knowing that she gets to hear her Papa sing goodnight songs a little while longer.
When we asked the neurologist yesterday how long she had after everything was explained, he chuckled and said "That answer is above my pay grade. Only God knows for sure, and right now, He's not telling. So go home and live. Go home and love her the best you can. Go home and make plans because I don't think she's not going anywhere soon. She belongs to HIM and He will let us know when that time is near without a doubt."
Can I hear an "amen" for having a doctor of faith!
This morning as I survey my world with a whole new set of eyes, I realized that is exactly what HE was waiting for. For Jerry and I to release her and all our expectations about how this story would end, into HIS capable hands...one more time...
We did...and He surprised us. I mean...He surprised us BIG TIME!! I have put away the notebook for "Courtney's Resurrection Mass" and I have gotten out the paint chips and fabric swatches this morning so we can move forward with creating a space for her to continue to be nurtured and loved for however long Our Lord decides to allow her to stay.
Apparently her work here is not done...and that could not make me HAPPIER!!
So we will plan the BIGGEST graduation party known to mankind. We will celebrate this young lady defying the medical odds once more. Then we will create a life filled with beauty and purpose.
When I woke up this morning I had one thought on my mind. Well actually two...
First, thanks be to GOD for allowing my girl to remain here for however long He sees fit. She remains firmly in HIS domain.
Second, holy crap...the Special Needs Prom is Thursday and her dress is not finished!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!
It's time to live...laugh...hold her close...and sew my a** off...
Things are situation normal and I wouldn't have it any other way....
Labels: Courtney's World, My Crazy Life