Thanks to all of you who have been praying hard for our girl over the last 24 hours. Miss Courtney has finished Day One of her treatment and things are finally "moving".
Now if you don't want to know all the nasty details STOP READING RIGHT NOW... Baby I am about to get REAL!!
For those of you who will be offended by such frank language...I apologize. I am just in a place.
Yes, my mother did raise me to be a lady and yes, she is shaking her head right now in frustration.
"HI MOM!! I love you!!"
"Moving" is an interesting word to use but it's the least, shall we say, offensive way to speak of such things as poop.
Yep, there I said it...poop. Take it from me, it's a pretty important thing to do every single day of your life and when things get stopped up, it's painful and uncomfortable. Now imagine your worst day x 50 and you might come close to where Miss Courtney is right now.
She has taken about 160ml's of Lactulose and is still in the...ummm...solid stage. That my friends would turn you or I into a poofaucet. Not my Courtney though. She is a superior non-pooper. At least until tomorrow. Then faucetland here we come.
Yes, it's the Great Poop-a-thon of 2012!
Yes, I have completely lost my mind, but that's beside the point.
I know, I know it's gross but really my life is just full of gross right now and since we keep things VERY real here in PPland or should I say PooPooland, I felt the need to vent.
Ladies and Gents it's time for Mary's Top Ten List...ahhhh venting...it's does the mind good. So here we go:
10 things Mary didn't know before today:
#1 - that the human body could hold in so much...poop.
#2 - that by holding in said poop so many other bad things could happen, like high ammonia levels leading to seizure after seizure after seizure...
#3 - that modern medicine hasn't yet come up with some way to handle the above problem in a more efficient manner...poop vacuum anyone?
#4 - that lemon scented candles do nothing to cover the smell of said poop.
#5 - that running a fan in the room where you change said Princess Poop's diaper would make the smell dissipate...ummm not so much. It just spread it throughout the house. Hey I know you want to visit right now...I know you do...
#6 - that cranberry chutney candles don't cover the smell either.
#7 - that the deal I made with the devil (i.e. my doctor) not to have ice cream in the house is proving to be my own personal hell on earth. Rocky Road anyone...HA! An ice cream poop joke...OK I'm sorry but I am seriously ice cream diffident right now!!
#8 - I have penned my own PoopOpera in the last 24 hours. It's brilliant. I am positive that I will receive a call from the Met any-day now... yeah...I know...I got mad skills...
#9 - that i have the capability to change a diaper in less than 60 seconds...faster than a Nascar pit crew!
#10 - that I am insane enough to actually publish the above blog post so that all the world can know that my life is total crap right now.
Yes, I need a vacation from poop...
Hey, if I can't laugh about it...I will do the ugly cry and that involves lots of tears and snot. I hate snot more than I hate poop!
Labels: Courtney's World