embracing today...

just checking in dear friends letting you know that we are well...things here are busy but I am hanging with the pace so far...I have realized over the course for that last three months that I have been fighting depression...fighting it deep and hard...it only took twenty years to recognize the signs...but they are there...not to worry though...I am not alone in this...my husband stands with me...my physician...and of course there are you my sweet readers who continue to pray for all of us...there are no words of thanks that would ever be enough...just know they are all appreciated...I have begun taking measures to fight this darkness that swims around the edges of my life...I am feeling better ...have more energy than I have in years...am finally sleeping... and dealing with the emotional battle scars that come with raising and loving a child with special needs...I am learning that I am awesome in a crisis...but deeply hate change...and change is all I have these days so I had best learn to embrace it...MIss Courtney is hanging in there...some days better than others...she still deals with seizures everyday...this is (and has been) a fact of life for twenty years...the difference now is that I see them all...it's just the two of us ten hours a day most days...we dance the dance of caregiver and patient...mother and daughter...some days it's a smooth waltz other days we're doing the jive...and then there are the days when I fall to the ground huffing and puffing in agony over the race to stay ahead of the discouragement and sadness that seem to always be right there on the periphery of my life...my new mission is to face each day with a smile...embracing this ONE day with joy...choosing to see the positive that is there...if I just open my eyes to see it...to see the silver lining of each moment spent with this young lady...does my life look anything like I thought it would at 45...the simple answer...that would be a "no"...but God stands with me speaking in that "still small voice" pushing me forward step by step...embracing whatever comes this day...I have a new determination to stay in this moment and not worry about the next...taking time for myself to fill my internal pitcher with joy, peace and calm...sitting at the foot of the Cross...soaking in all Our Savior has for me...waves upon waves of mercy and grace...thereby allowing me to pour forth love without hesitation...giving Courtney, Jonathan and Jerry everything I have...embracing today...choosing joy...choosing life...choosing light...I will be back in this space later this week...thanks for your patience as I figure things out...so honored and blessed by your presence here day in and day out...God is good all the time...

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