:: noticing God's glory
Ice is dripping from the trees and the streets are slick. The sleet is being replaced by rain. Definitely winter in Northern Virginia. A good day to be inside, which is just fine with us. It's grey but there is hope on the buds that tip the branches of the trees. In a few months time it will be spring again. Patience is the name of the game with all things in life.
:: listening to
Courtney humming. I missed that beautiful sound these past few days. But she's started humming again. I will never ever take this beautiful melodious sound for granted. Slowly but surely things improve. Next up, her fabulous giggle...cannot wait!
:: clothing myself in
jeans, a flannel shirt, wool socks and my favorite apron. It's a cleaning, cooking, baking kind of day. Comfort is the name of the game.
:: thinking and thinking
About mothering. I have been a mother for 23 years and most of that time one or both of my children have had medical crosses to bear. It just seems to be our thing. I don't know why. I stopped asking a long time ago. In the end it really doesn't matter. I am their mother. God's choice, my honor and privilege.
This week taught me yet again that I control no aspect of my life other than when I will actually clean those dust bunnies that are yelling at me or if I will trust in God's plan, whatever it is. My job is to start my day on my knees thanking God for the gifts of my husband and children. For the blessings that he has given me. Thinking about them overwhelms me at times. It makes me ashamed of those moments of doubt I have late at night when I have had little to no sleep and my girls is in pain or the seizures just keep coming.
God never gave me a timeline for my mothering. He never said "On this day...your done." There is no rule book for these two beautiful souls, there is only love. THAT is what this week has taught me one.more.time. It's a lesson that I keep having to learn again and again and again in my mothering career. Love and only love. It brings hope, renews faith and at the end of the day that's all my son and daughter will remember of our time together. That they were loved with all I had.
Some days I fail miserably, others it's not so bad. I need to remind myself to meet them where they are love them for who they are. Each uniquely and wonderfully made in the image and likeness of their Creator. Absolutely amazing when you think about it. So love I shall as best I can.
:: giving thanks for
#1197 ~ #1228
* for my beautiful daughter and her tenacious spirit
* for God's faithfulness in ALL things
* for the generosity of so many to help with the practical care of our daughter
* prayers...so many prayers said for my girl
* clear biopsy results
* waterproof bandaids
* Neosporin
* a fully loaded iPod and charged battery
* praise and worship music that made my heart sore for two days when nothing else could make me smile.
* the generosity of complete strangers
* saline solution and trained nurses who knew how to help my girl in a moment of crisis
* a hospital staff who cared for my girl, day and night, making it possible for us to bring her home
* my mother who showed up each morning with hot coffee and a smile to encourage me to face whatever would come that day
* ONLY 48 hours inpatient
* warm wool socks and yoga pants that allowed ease of movement and warmth so i could climb into Court's hospital bed and sing to her.
* filtered water allowing me to stay hydrated in a very dry hospital environment.
* my husband who didn't sleep for three days trying to keep work things going and then meeting Courtney and my needs.
* clean sheets and my own bed
* laundry folded by others hands
* hope
* faith
* open hands, open heart
* friends who circle the wagons and hit their knees on our behalf
* big brothers who read "Fox In Sox" for the 123,000th time, as energetically as the first.
* 650,000 souls who marched on behalf of my daughter and all those who have no voice
* beginning the "1,000 Gifts" Bible Study, so much to learn...God is so good!
* "Hello Mornings"
* buck teeth
* blonde curls
* a smile to make me melt
* a bed that holds my precious girl, that one day will not
* a stuffed dog that brings comfort in the middle of the night
::pondering prayerfully
After the last week God has placed it on my heart to rejoice always, no matter what the circumstance, either with Miss Courtney or any other aspect of my life.
"Today is holy to the Lord your God. Do not be sad, and do not weep...for rejoicing in the Lord must be your strength." - Nehemiah 8:9-10
"No more shall people call you "Forsaken," or your land "Desolate," but shall be called "My Delight," and your land "Exposed." For the Lord delights in you and makes your land his spouse. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; and as a bidegroom rejoices in his bride so shall your God rejoice in you." Isaiah 62:3-5
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." - Romans 15:13
:: in the kitchen
I am missing a bit of my mojo these days. My energy level is a bit low so that affects the energy in the kitchen. So we are eating simply these days. It's all I can do to make it to the end of the day.
:: living the liturgy
Lent begins in two weeks. For some reason this is pressing heavily on my heart these days. I am still prayerfully considering what I will be doing but I know that God will reveal it in time. He always does.
:: keeping house
The dust bunnies are screaming at me to pay attention. I am about to scream back. That won't get rid of them but at least we're having a conversation. Yea...gotta do something about that.
:: planning the week ahead
Homebound. Happy to be homebound because it means we are HOME. Only one appointment this week on Thursday morning with the Neuro team. Yippee!
:: loving the moments
When my girl hums and talk to me. The smiles the cuddles. I can't get enough of them these days. I am just soaking it all in. Time is precious and I want more of it with her.
:: Miss Courtney's World
Ten weeks. We have ten weeks to wean her off the Depakote. I would so love your prayers with me on this one. She has been on this medication for 20 years and now her body can't handle it anymore. So each week we will take it down by another 125 mg. I pray she will be able to handle it and the seizures stay at bay. One day at a time...I keep trying to tell myself that again and again and again...eventually it will land and stick.
Labels: Courtney's World, My Crazy Life
