“Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously and ungrudgingly, and he will be given it.”
I talked and unburdened my heart. And I mean my whole heart. This was not a moment to hold back any of my fears or insecurities. Something inside had broken open, and all of this putrid heartache gushed forward. I could not stop it.
My childhood hurts, the pain of lost friendships, the judgment of others. It all stung so deeply. Then there were the devastating words spoken by family members which tore away more of my heart.
But the worst were the five years worth of words and actions from my husband which led me to this moment of feeling rejected, unloved, and unable to crawl out of this deep dark hole that I knew I deserved to be in.
After all, I had made my bed and now I was lying in it. It is rock hard tile, freezing cold, and filled with pride, jealousy, and unfulfilled dreams.
I finally ran dry of tears.
Then my husband spoke the truth of what he had been dealing with. He shared his heart and the weeping started all over again. In our short five years of marriage, he had never before spoken to me with such emotion or compassion. Only to the children. While there had been words of love and encouragement, they’d never held this level of humility and empathy.
Labels: Joy in the Journey