day 21 - where I eat a big mac...and live...

This morning I was moving very slow...very, very slow. My sweet friend Sharon stopped in with piping hot coffee and we chatted fro a bit. It was nice to reconnect with the outside world.

My son volunteered to run the two errands I had on my plate for the day. I was so grateful. Even though I can once again swallow normally, my energy level is still not 100 percent there. I appreciated his graciousness. On the way home he called and asked if I wanted a sandwich for lunch.

That sounded lovely, even more so because there were no dishes or clean-up involved.

I promised long ago that I would be honest here in this space, not hiding my own mistakes and failures  or the joy or challenges that daily life with a disabled child brings.

Many of you have read these pages for many years and know that I have slowly but surely made my way to a whole food healthier lifestyle and gave up 95 percent of fast food a few years ago. I am finally on my way to meeting a long time weight loss goal.

However, when my son walked through the door this afternoon with a Big Mac in a bag, I will honestly say my heart fell.

He was running behind and this was the quickest lunch he could think of. He turned around and headed right out the door to work leaving me holding the bag...literally...

How long has it been since I have eaten such a whole food abomination? Years, my friend, years.

I stuck my head in the bag and inhaled deeply. French fries coated with salt and that fabulously horrible non-real beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese on a soft sesame seed bun. Memories flooded my brain and knocked all the good sense from it.

That's when I made my fatal culinary choice.

I ate the Big Mac.

In that moment I did not care about what a disaster it would be for my digestive tract, especially since I am still taking anti-biotics, I just wanted to eat the burger.

I know, I know...I can hear your screaming now. "Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it!!!"

Do it I did.

Slowly bite by bite, remembering with each one Friday night's spent with girlfriends, eating Big Macs, fries and chocolate shakes then heading over to someone's house to paint our toenails. It's what we could afford on a babysitters salary.

Oh it was so very, very good.

And then...well...

That lovely feeling did not last.

I saw that coming didn't you...

Within two was so very...very...bad. 

Big Mac = ????

Because 90% of the time I try to behave like a lady, I will spare you the details. Let's just say that this queen has been sitting upon her throne for quite some time.

Enough about that.

So, lesson for the day. Whole foods only. If I want fries...make them myself. If I want a burger, make it with real meat and my own special sauce.

I can smell the steamed broccoli I am planning for tonight's side dish at dinner, wonderful whole food that it is...yummo!

Today I am thankful for:

#1734 - #1744

** though I now regret it...the first lovely bites of a Big Mac
** an early morning visit from my sweet friend Sharon who always lifts my spirit's 
** my son who was willing to run the morning errands even if it ended in my dietary demise
** lovely cotton fabric running through my hands
** listening to my Courtney sing at the top of her lungs. So happy my girl is today. 
** for Dr. WIlliam Lauerman who was Court's orthapedist. We found out today he lost his long battle with cancer. May he rest in peace. 
** having my hubby check in on me halfway through the day. It's lovely to be thought about.
** I can now swallow normally...thank you Lord!
** planning hubby and my first date night out in almost two months for Friday evening
** looking through pattern books and dreaming of what I could make
** being able to celebrate good news from friends battling cancer and other aliments. God is in control...ALWAYS!!

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