rough day...

totally out of it after the third seizure of the day...ugh...
it's been a tough 24 hours...my Courtney has had many, many seizures and this Mama is worried...very, very worried...I woke up this morning with some dread in my heart...Courtney was very restless through the night...she needed a lot of holding...I wish there was someone to hold me...Jerry is cute and all but he snores like nobody's business...She was doing so very well and then these damn seizures come in and rob our joy...I know, I know I am tired and when I am tired...life doesn't look so rosy...but can I just say that this is really hard to watch...her struggling to breathe...her body shaking as she cries out so scared because she can't control what's happening...this just stink...heck it totally sucks noodles...Christmas should be a time of joy and peace and I am struggling every day to feel wither right now...Yes...God is in control...always...I know it and I am hanging on to it with everything I have...yesterday we went out and she was so happy...laughing and smiling...today there is silence...I hate silence...it means bad things are happening...the hardest part is that I know there is so much to be thankful for...so much kindness and generosity shown to me and my girl...not enough words to say "thank you"...so I shouldn't worry I know...but dang that is so hard to do...not worry...my greatest desire is to NOT end up in the hospital this weekend...can you imagine anything worse??...the hospital at Christmas...I know there are many reading this who are suffering themselves...they have loved ones in the hospital...I am so sorry...I truly am...I feel your pain...we have been there and done that many, many times...so maybe i shouldn't bitch, wine moan and complain and yet...my humanity seeps through...a rough day indeed...please Lord let there be sleep tonight...for both if us...

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