Today is the Feast of the Holy Family.
I have been up since 1 a.m. I could not sleep. So, I got up and did several loads of laundry. I prayed. I folded the laundry and carefully put it away. I prayed some more. I picked up the living room, fluffed pillows and straightened. I finished one book and started another. I prayed again.
It was that kind of night. My heart was heavy with so many concerns and worries. It took me awhile to focus on what I needed to do. In time, I handed each concern over to the Good Lord, one by one by one.
It's going to be the focus of my New Year I think. To trust in ALL things, to seek humility.
Finally around 4:30 a.m., I made a cup fo peppermint tea and settled into a chair in the living room listening to the other three souls living here, breathe in and out. Some more loudly than others. Just me, my tea and the light of the Christmas tree. I savored the silence while my heart and mind settled down.
Then the rain started. Heavy rain tap, tap, tapping the window in tune with the Creator above. It felt like God was washing away all the stress of the last two months. It slowly fell away leaving me tired but at peace. I slept for about 45 minutes around 6 a.m. then hit the shower getting ready for the day ahead.
Jerry and I snuck out to early Mass in the pouring rain. Miss Courtney does not do well in rainy weather so we weren't going to take any chances to tip the seizure scales that are so very carefully balanced these days.
While she was snuggled in her bed, my beloved and I participated in the Mass, kneeling together and praying for our children, our friends who are without work, our extended family (which increased by one today....welcome Beatrice Paige Hall), those who we know that are suffering from sickness and diseases, those hospitalized, those home recovering and those who have gone home to Our Lord. So many we know in desperate need of prayer, encouragement and peace.
It was a spiritual workout for sure, but one we took on happily. Tears quietly slipped down my face after I received Communion. I felt such love from Our Lord. He is here in the midst of my failings and half-hearted attempts to get it right. He wants the very best for me and my family.
He wants HIS very best for me and my family. I realized yet again this morning in that holy moment, that I have much to learn about true trust in God's plan for me and those I love most. Yes, I think I am doing better than last year, but there is still MUCH work to be done on this interior castle of mine and HUMILITY is at the center of it for me.
From Josemaria Escriva - evident signs of a lack of humility are:
-Thinking that what you do or say is better than what others do or say
-Always wanting to get your own way
-Arguing when you are not right or — when you are — insisting stubbornly or with bad manners
-Giving your opinion without being asked for it, when charity does not demand you to do so
-Despising the point of view of others
-Not being aware that all the gifts and qualities you have are on loan
-Not acknowledging that you are unworthy of all honour or esteem, even the ground you are treading on or the things you own
-Mentioning yourself as an example in conversation
-Speaking badly about yourself, so that they may form a good opinion of you, or contradict you
-Making excuses when rebuked
-Hiding some humiliating faults from your director, so that he may not lose the good opinion he has of you
-Hearing praise with satisfaction, or being glad that others have spoken well of you
-Being hurt that others are held in greater esteem than you
-Refusing to carry out menial tasks
-Seeking or wanting to be singled out
-Letting drop words of self-praise in conversation, or words that might show your honesty, your wit or skill, your professional prestige…
-Being ashamed of not having certain possessions…
Oh yeah baby. This chica is in need of a humility overhaul. So as the New Year approaches, this is my goal. To be humble...truly humble. To listen to the voice of God. To clear our room in my soul so I can actually HEAR the voice of God, in order to listen. To encourage and uplift others in their chosen vocation. To follow Our Lady's lead and ponder things deeply in my heart before I act.
I know, it's a lot. I am sure I will fall flat on my face more often than not but a girl has to try.
So I shall.
Blessings and Grace dear friends on this beautiful feast day. May you be surrounded by your family today, celebrating the plan God has for you in the coming year.
Labels: We Can Do This!!