i will never, ever, ever, ever be ready to let her go...

...but I will when God decides it's time and not one second before. Until then there are songs to sing and snuggles to give.

Go NAVY!! Bring on football season!!

We are four days post surgery and unfortunately Courtney's seizures have returned. She is doing very well otherwise. She is eating well and sleeping well. As I was holding her last night, she went through three grand-mal seizures in a row. It was tough for this Mama to look down at her girl suffering through these nasty seizures and try and keep it together. This morning we have had two grand-mals and many, many of her smaller seizures. 

Jerry and I made some tough choices this week. We decided since we have signed a DNI/DNR for our daughter we will not be running to the ER anymore for seizures. Not unless she is in an intractable seizure that we cannot stop at home. Then we will prayerful consider it. 

Jerry pointed out to me last night as we were discussing what to do, that we needed to make a decision about what we wanted Courtney's final moments to look like. Do we want to be in a hospital surrounded by strangers or here at home surrounded by love at all times? 

We chose love. Always love. 

This doesn't mean that Miss Courtney is going anywhere anytime soon. This just means that as her condition worsens and the seizures come more often, we will be dealing with them here at home as best we can. Now if she shows signs of illness other than neurological, of course we will get her whatever care is necessary to help her. It's just the seizures we are talking about. 

Everyday with our daughter is a gift. We have done what we can do medically to help her. The rest is in God's hands. This does not get any easier to type but I will keep doing it because I believe it. 

Courtney belongs to God. We just get to borrow her for a little while.