.5 pounds...

So my sweet girl was weighed this morning and she gained .5 pounds. YES!!

I know. Silly to be so excited but you know, I will take it my friends. I will place that .5 pounds in the win column for the day.

That's about the only thing in the win column today. I spent the morning on the phone trying to get several answers in regards to hospice, hospital bills and a med change. That's three different calls and three very frustrating situations at that. Oh SweetMolly, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed to start with and then to have to go through all that only to be told they would a. call me back, b. call me back and c. had no idea how to help me but call back tomorrow and talk with the head manager dude.

Aaaaahhhhhhh!! Calgon take me away...far, far, far away. Save me from these mo-rons!

So I will take those .5 pounds and run with it.

Joining the nightmare paperwork ordeal in the total life sucking loser column is the fact that since Miss Courtney has lost so much weight, none of her clothes (save her birthday PJ's) fit her.

Aeeeecheewahwah...what next universe?? What next?

So my friends, since I have always been very honest here in this space, I am going to share a small piece of my most recent confused and frustrated mental conversation with you. It sounded a little like this:

I have tried on half her closet and everything looks like it was made for her gigantor sister. What the heck do I do now? She has been given six to nine months here on this earth. Do I buy her new clothing? Do I make her new clothing? Do I go to the thrift store? How many outfits do I get? How long does she have here with us? She won't wear jeans anymore. She fusses at "stiff" fabrics. So I need soft and warm things since we are heading into Fall and Winter? We have no savings to do this with. Jerry will be laid off on Friday. What the heck am I supposed to do? I seriously do not need this in my world right now. She wears a child size 14-16 or a woman's petite small. Aaaaaahhhhh! She can't live in three pairs of PJ's for the next nine months!! 

Now, before you judge me, please know that I know this whole mental conversation is silly and stupid. I mean they are just clothes and I have enough fabric to open up my own JoAnn store, so I will get to work on a few things to make it work. That is after I get some sleep.

Me + fabric + scissors + no sleep = disaster. So I will get to work in the coming week.

I don't know how to do this whole hospice, watch your daughter make her final journey home thing. I really don't. I mean who looses sleep over the fact that they need to get a smaller size in clothing?? This is NOT something to lose sleep over people. Ugh!!

I need a book, a manual to make my way through this. I had to go buy a mortar and pestle today, so I could crush her seizure meds to give them to her through her g-tube. Why not get the meds formulated for her g-tube? Well we already paid for the pills weeks ago before she could no longer take her meds or anything else by mouth. You see my quandary? Either buy a $35 piece of kitchen equipment or spend hundreds in replacing all her seizure meds. So grind up the meds we do my friend and keep moving forward.

I also wonder how much blogging I should be doing. I mean all I do is bitch, whine, moan and complain about hard things are or I cry through my words about how much I love Courtney and don't want anything to change.

Who wants to read that e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y?

Not me. You?

What say you the most awesome, sweet, badass blog readers on the planet?? You cool with it or no mas...comment and I will take an unofficial poll.

That's all I got.

Complain, whine, moan and then have irrational thoughts about a shopping spree that cannot be. Oh yeah baby...this life...it be 'da bomb!

Until next time...

** we humbly thank you from the bottom of our hearts 
for any help with Courtney's extensive medical bills**

We Love the Lenaburgs - Team Courtney Fundraiser