Yesterday was Palm Sunday and boy howdy was it a doozy. We listened to the Gospel of Mark and I struggled through it. I felt like a five year old with ants in her pants. I didn't really understand why I was struggling so much until at the end of Mass.
The choir sang "Jesus Remember Me" as the processional hymn and I lost.my.mind. The emotional gates opened and flooded forth and poor Jerry just looked overwhelmed, by both the song and his wife.
Have you ever tried to cry quietly in a public place. Ummm...yeah...that was me honking my nose like a Canadian goose. Sorry lady in row two. I know, I know. I was kind of a mess.
I felt like replacing the words..."Courtney remember me..."
Holy Week is always emotional for me, even before Courtney passed away. Just the very thought that God sent his ONLY BEGOTTEN SON to come and take the heat for me??? Well, I feel so very unworthy. Now that my girl is on the other side of that veil, spending her first Easter at the eternal banquet table, separated from us but finally reunited with her Beloved...it's all just so complicated and emotionally charged for both Jerry and myself.
Then they sang that song and I thought of my Daddy up in heaven with his eldest granddaughter, dancing and singing for joy, and I just could not keep it together. OyVey, I can only imagine what the rest of this week will be like.
I am so completely unprepared for anything. There is cleaning to do, baking and meal prep, as well as many Easter traditions to complete. I feel like I am dragging my feet as I desperately try to call forth the energy to care about anything but getting to Mass and spending time with Jonathan and Jerry. I know that it will all get done and I hope that a little bit of joy will slip into my heart.
In time, all will be well. That is I know for sure. As for the egg dying and spring cleaning...that's a whole other situation.
Labels: Courtney's World, We Can Do This!!