Good Morning Friends,
Just checking in for a moment to ask for a little prayer support. As I posted the other day, Miss Courtney's gravestone has been set and this weekend we will have it blessed. I ask for prayers because this has proven to be a little overwhelming for my boys and me as it is the "last" piece of the funeral process.
This is the last thing we could do for her this side of heaven. It's ALL the feels at once.
The photo above was taken two years ago today. It's one of my all-time favorites of Courtney. It's how I imagine her in heaven. Curls, beautiful blue eyes and a smile to light up the heavens as she runs freely through fields of bluebonnets, laughing and singing.
To see her name carved in stone, is both heart wrenching and healing. BUT...she is still gone and all those emotions related to losing her are rolling over each of us these days and they are powerful and very hard to ignore or set aside.
So I ask for prayers of support this weekend. Things are challenging in a lot of ways right now and Jerry and I are still figuring out our new path as husband and wife and as a family with Jonathan. That empty spot at the table is a constant reminder that we are a family of four, not three.
We are figuring out the new (and still very stressful) financial landscape as we embrace a very austere budget to be able to pay down/off the outstanding debt that exists from the last five years of Courtney's life. We no longer have Courtney's SSI to help with the bills. I have not been able to replace that income yet. It's overwhelming some days but I try to remind myself that every penny was worth it, because it helped our daughter live as full a life as we could provide. One of the options we have considered is to sell the house. At this point I truly cannot handle that at all, because this is where our daughter took her last breath. To leave here would be to leave a piece of me permanently here. I just can't do it. Just. cannot.
We are also figuring out where God is leading us in church ministry. Do we remain with youth ministry or move on to another ministry? What will my book look like? How many speaking engagements do I accept? What about Jerry's career? So many questions that we are taking to prayer every single day, as we wait upon the Lord for the answers we seek.
We are also getting to know one another again since the last 22 years of our marriage has been spent talking about our kids and their needs. I love my guy and it is interesting to re-learn his likes, dislikes, wants and desires.
We have one big, spectacular life to live and now that Courtney resides on the other side of the veil in heaven, Jerry, Jonathan and I need to create a new life for ourselves that brings us peace and joy.
So my friends, I ask for your prayers for ALL of these things. I know that we are not alone in this walk with many who have lost family members. I know that many of you are facing the same issues listed above in your own lives. I know that God is faithful and awesome and He has never left us, no matter how many times I panic.
This next week will be quite a test for us. There will be the blessing of her gravestone, then her birthday, then we travel to Oklahoma to celebrate Jerry's parents 60th Wedding Anniversary. It will be the first time that we see many of his family from Oklahoma that could not be here for Courtney's funeral. It will be bittersweet for sure and for certain.
So many emotions. So many decisions. SO much love for our daughter and her legacy. Just.so.much.
So send up a prayer or ten on our behalf would you? If you yourself are in need of prayer, PLEASE send them our way. It makes things so much easier to bear when we have people to offer things up for. You can leave a comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Have a great weekend y'all. Thank you in advance for your prayers and good wishes. Just thank you for always being her and being part of this awesome circle of love that has surrounded our family for almost eight years now.
Know I pray for you daily and am so blessed to have you with me here in this space.
Our new goal is $3,209.00 which will eliminate the balance on a credit card used for Courtney's PT, OT and Feeding therapies and supplies used over the last five years. We have raised $720 of it so far. Only $2489.00 to go to pay this first one off. If we can raise the full amount, we can pay it off and be that much closer to our larger goal. One thing at a time. Thank you so much for your help.
help pay off medical debt from caring for our beautiful Courtney
The entire medical debt is extensive, now approx. $67,3000. It's a lot and will take years to whittle down. Anything helps. Anything. So, I will keep it at the bottom of my posts for awhile. You all have already given so much to our family. Our prayers are with you and we are so very grateful. We can never repay that kindness. So thank you...just thank you. If you would like our mailing address, please just email me at email@example.com and I will send it.
Labels: catholic family life, Courtney's World, grieving, special need parenting, special needs children