31 days to whole ~ day 13 ~ tears and heartbreak...

The joy of her smile. The gift of her life. The peace of her death. 

I am so grateful for these tonight. 

When your heart is shattered into a million pieces, never to be put back together the same way again, you cling to these memories. 

Remembering my Courtney's smile, her laughter, her snuggles, her strength, her attitude and that giggle that I miss every.single.day. is the only way I can get my Mother's heart to heal. 

Most days, I smile when I think of her. Tonight, for whatever reason, tears came first. 

Sweet Courtney I know you are with me always, that you now stand outside of time. Pray for you Mama tonight. I just miss you so much. 

It's not the way things should be. You should still be here running your race. I was supposed to go first. Daddy too. 

But God sees all and knows what is best for His plan. So you now dance with Him. I can only imagine your joy my sweet girl. I can even hear your laughter sometimes. 

I love you Courtney Elizabeth. I promise to just sit with all the feels tonight. I promise to not sabotage myself with sugar. I promise to seek joy, no matter how much it hurts to move on without you here with me. 

“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”

 With ALL my heart, 

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