miss me? I miss you...


I hope this little post finds y'all well. I have missed being here in this space. I really have. You guys are like family and it has been too long since our last visit. 

Things here in Lenaburgland are busy. We are all exhausted but it's a good exhausted. All three of us have new jobs and we are still figuring out our new rhythm as a family of three. I have done much better making sure everyone is fed and laundry is done. 

Don't look too closely at my house though. You might be able to write in my dust. I recently watched too huge dust bunnies duke it out for ownership of a prime corner in the living room. It was an EPIC battle and yet I was not really motivated to get the duster out. Housewife fail. 

Yes, housecleaning is on the list. It will get done. Eventually. Maybe. Someday. 

Anyhoo, I am loving my job. LOVING it! I recently conquered the copy machine like a boss! That is after it had spewed single-sided copies instead of double-sided copies, copies that should have been vertical but were horizontal and all kinds of other madness. Three days in...we came to a detante. It is finally cooperating and I am enjoying this time of peace. Relationships with office equipment are difficult to maintain but I am working on it. 

One day at a time. 

I am also enjoying this thing called a "lunch hour". I have never had one of those before. The concept is that you stop working and actually sit down and eat lunch, without interruption. Have you ever heard of such insanity? Me either. It's kind of cool I gotta say. 

My co-workers are awesome, my boss is pretty chill and I get to wear make-up and dress nicely everyday. It's like I am an actual grown-up. I smile at people, give comfort when needed and spend time with the Lord all day long. I don't know what I did to deserve such a gift but I am incredibly thankful for it. 

If I am being honest though, I would trade it all for my Courtney back. Golly it's quiet without her. Unfortunately for me that's not how God wished to write this chapter of my story. I could not have imagined all that has happened in the last year. God has been so generous, so very generous. I am humbled every day at how He loves me. 

Many of you have inquired privately as to how we are doing as we approach Courtney's first anniversary. We are doing OK. There are times when each of us has a "moment" or twelve and we work our way through it. 

I miss her. I do. Next weekend we will decorate the house for Christmas, just as we have done for the last twenty-seven years. It's our tradition. The one thing we do that is not so liturgically correct. We decided this past summer that we would be home for Christmas. We wanted to be here in the house where our daughter took her last breath. It seems fitting to us to honor our girl this way as we head toward December 27, 2015. 

I will have Courtney's tree set up in my office, since I spend so much time there now. We will have our family tree here at the house as we do every year. I don't know how we will each navigate these coming weeks. We grieve so differently. I do know there will be lots of hugs, laughter and story telling. 

Courtney would not want it any other way. She is with us everyday, urging us forward, even though she cannot be with us here anymore. I think of the day we will get to see her again and my heart just leaps for joy. Death no longer holds it's sting. I look forward to that day. May God allow me that great privilege in His time.

How are you doing? What's happening in your life? Can't wait to hear all about it. 

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