new is nothing to fear...

Everywhere I look these days, the terrain is new and unfamiliar. New job, new beginnings, new lessons, even a new way of looking at the world. 

Courtney has been in heaven for 10 and a half months now and there is nothing in my world that has remained the same. Jerry has a new job, Jonathan has a new job and so do I. No more yoga pants for Mama. There are new schedules to adjust to, new diet, new exercise plan, new goals to make and a new future to plan. 

The fog of grief continues to lift and life is moving forward. It has made me really think about what's important in my day. It has clarified my priorities and removed quite a bit if bulk from what I thought I needed to do to what I can actually get done. 

One of the greatest lessons Courtney's life taught me was that every day is a new beginning. Every day brings new hope and new opportunities. 

I am so grateful for that re-set. As I learn and stretch myself daily in my new job, I rely on the grace and mercy that the Cross has made available to me. 

Oh, how I need it. 

Such an imperfect human I am, filled with pride and at times a serious lack of humility. Boy does that complicate things. I realized I needed to up my prayer game in a big way to make it through these adjustments or I was going to fall on my butt and it was not going to be pretty. 

Before my daily prayer was "Lord, let my daughter live another day." Now my daily prayer is "Lord allow me to honor you this day and be the face of Christ to someone in need."

I know I have been called to this new job for a reason and I know my daughter had a BIG something to do with it. It is new and scary and at times downright intimidating but somehow I have peace in my heart that calms me and says "one step at a time Mary". 

I see my daughters smiling face in my minds eye and know she is with me as I help those put in my path. I know it is because of her that this new life is even possible. My sweet Courtney taught me patience, perseverance, fortitude, faith and courage. She taught me to be brave and to dream the impossible. She taught to serve with joy. 

It's all new, but that is no reason to be afraid of what the future holds for me. He is making all things new, refining and rebuilding our family. God provided every single day my daughter took a breath this side of heaven and He has continued to do so every day since. 

New is not a bad thing. New is an exciting thing. New is nothing to fear. New is to be embraced.

Carpe Diem my friends, 

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