my hearts call...

Yesterday was one of those days that started out with great promise but by dinnertime had disintegrated into a pool of frustration and anger. What amazes me though is that God was present through it all and He answered my hearts call at the speed of light. It all began with words spoken by my hubby in frustration and anger that wounded my heart deeply. What spilled forth from my mouth though was a volcanic eruption of all of my disappointment, frustration and fear regarding the state of my home and all who live within these walls, especially my son.

J is at a crossroads. He is searching for his place in this world. He is wrestling with what he wants to do with his life. He is experiencing serious growing pains. Adulthood is not easy to achieve, especially in a world that celebrates the man-boy. Combine that intensity with a husband who feels he must instruct constantly and a mother who worries incessantly and you have quite the boiling pot of emotions. Eventually it's going to spill over and someone is going to be hurt.

Well let me tell you, it burns like the dickens. The wound was deep and quite painful. My reaction was like that of a wounded animal. I lashed out and wounded right back. I had had enough. So I gathered my keys and purse and headed out the door. In my anger fog I had no idea where I was going until I pulled into the parking lot of a local church. I sought sanctuary once more in the peace and silence there.

I knew that I was wrong. I knew that I needed to apologize to my husband. At that moment though I was just so pi*#$# off I couldn't stand it. My Irish was up and my pride was cloaking all of my sin. My self-righteousness was a huge barrier to my heart. I sat in that Adoration chapel and I screamed and yelled at God in my head. I just kept giving it to Him, wave after wave of hurt and anger. Finally I closed my eyes and breathed deeply taking in the peace and silence.

At that moment my heart was pierced. How could I have said those things? Look at the mess my impatience and lack of humility had made. I gazed upon my Beloved and begged for Him to heal my home IMMEDIATELY. I begged for God to send His Holy Spirit down upon my home at that moment and shower peace and healing upon all of us. We all needed to take shelter in the storm. I needed those waters to calm down so we could get our bearings once again.

I began to read from The St. Therese of Lisieux Prayer Book my friend Sharon had given to me last week. It was time to call in my heavenly prayer support. Oh how generous is Our God. Right then He spoke through His Little Flower:

"For me prayer is an upward rising of the heart, it's a simple glance toward heaven, it's a cry of gratitude and love in the midst of trial as much as in the midst of joys. In short, it's something big, something great, something supernatural that expands my heart and unites me to Jesus."
St. Therese of Lisieux

Amen! Amen! Amen! Something BIG! Something GREAT! My heart was expanding in that moment. He was with me right there in my pride and anger. He was with me in my sadness and humiliation. His spirit was really moving because things happened faster than the speed of light. He rose to my challenge and not only answered prayer but HEALED hearts in a matter of hours. It was AMAZING!

When I left that chapel, I ran into a friend in the parking lot who was struggling with some of the same issues. She talked, I listened. I talked, she listened. I needed her in that moment and she needed me. I began to see that God brings good from ALL things. Even a fight with my husband. We hugged and promised to pray for each other and for peace in our homes during this time of growth and transition. She was the face of Christ to me in that moment and I pray I was the same to her.

"All praise to God, the Father of Our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all our comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I got in my car. My cell phone was buzzing letting me know there was a message for me. It was my husband apologizing for wounding my heart. He asked forgiveness. I listened to that message three times. I couldn't believe it. Not only was I NOT the only mother in the world going through man-boyitis BUT my very stubborn hubby had recognized his sin and was asking forgiveness on the phone. No words...really.

I called immediately and asked for the same. It was the best five minutes of my day...because he shared with me something our son had said to him while I was gone. J apologized for all the turmoil he had put his Dad and I through. He asked his Dad's forgiveness and for our prayers. He asked for help, recognizing that his way might not always be the best way.

WHAT!!! What alternate universe did I step into when I left that chapel. Who were these people and how was all this possible? I was seriously questioning my sanity at that point. I just could not believe how fast God was changing and healing hearts.

I proceeded in silence to my prayer group and shared with them all that had transpired. Being able to hold each other in prayer throughout life's ups and downs with this group of woman over the years has been such a HUGE blessing to me. Tonight was no different. It was like a huge hug from above. All the way home I prayed in thanksgiving for the miracles of the night. God had shown up in a HUGE way just when I needed Him most.

I woke up this morning with a peaceful heart and a happy home. As I was writing this, I stopped to pray. This was part of my morning meditation in the Word Among Us:

"God knows what is in everyone’s heart. He is not one to be fooled by appearances or first impressions. We, on the other hand, are prone to underestimate what God is able to do, especially with those closest to us. Will your son or daughter do great things for the kingdom of God? You never know! What about that neighbor down the street who never seems to smile? Or even more to the point, you may look at yourself and see nothing but shortcomings. But that’s not how God sees you—or anyone else. Ever the optimist, he sees the limitless possibilities in every soul. Why? Because he’s the One who created us. And he created us in his own image and likeness!

Let God surprise you. Don’t prejudge yourself or anyone else. Don’t let low expectations keep you from all that God has in store! He wants great things for you and from you, so take the first step in faith!"

Prayer:
“Lord, you have great plans for each of us. Open my eyes to see all that you can do in this world through the least likely of people.”

How cool is that? Convicting as well, but in an awesome way. God is STILL working on this issue in my heart right now. He is plowing those fields with meekness and humility. He asking me to trust Him with EVERYTHING! He is filling up my LOVE tank so I can go forth once again and serve without hesitation or resentment.

WOW! WOW! WOW! Can you feel the spirit moving? I can and I am thankful for it! How is the spirit moving in your life today?

Blessings and Grace,
Mary

**image from http://dgoffeney.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/humility1.jpg



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