Chapter 12 ~ Arrival...

Over the course if the next several weeks, I will be publishing my story, as wife, mother, sister and daughter. This is the evolution of how a little girl can change the course of her mother's story, can change the course of her heart. If your new to this blog, please begin here. 

the family - winter 1999...
Chapter 12 - Arrival

The following Sunday we shared our interview experience with our Family Group. We asked them to pray with us for wisdom on how we would raise the funds for Jerry to accompany Courtney and I to Lourdes.

You have to ask to receive.

Then we went on with the day.

Later that week we go a phone call from one of the other couples in our Family Group. They wanted to ask our permission to ask others for help to send Jerry to Lourdes. They wanted to talk to Fr. G and see what could be done. I was floored that they wanted to do this for us. I talked to Jerry and he wasn't completely comfortable with it but he agreed to let them try. We both took a HUGE step outside our comfort zone and put our trust in Our Blessed Lady and her church.

It's funny what happens when you take a walk on the wild side completely trusting God to provide for your needs.

Absolutely amazing!

Not only did we raise enough to take Jerry to Lourdes with us but there was enough left over to pay for her next set of AFO's (Articulated Foot Orthotics) which she needed desperately. Our parish family had spoken their love for Courtney loud and clear.

Yes, God and his precious Mother are unstoppable...

So we began to prepare for the trip of a lifetime. Jonathan would stay with friends during the week then with my parents on the weekend. We would be traveling for seven days. We had left prayer books out in our parish vestibule as well as in the church proper, so others could write their prayer requests in them. These books would be placed in the Grotto at Lourdes. These beautiful people were sending us to this miraculous place, the least we could do was take them and their prayer needs with us.


Miss Courtney getting ready for Lourdes...

Finally the day arrived and we settled into our seats on the plane preparing for the overnight, overseas flight. Jerry was old hat at international travel. Not so for me...I had always stayed behind. I was thrilled and terrified all in the same breath. We had been praying consistently for months about the outcome of this trip. The time had finally arrived to walk the walk.

After arriving in Paris, we deplaned and waited for the little puddle jumper that would take us closer to Lourdes. After that flight we would take a bus into the town.

I was holding Miss Courtney in my lap sitting in the concourse when all hell broke loose.

“Just breathe sweetie. Mommas here”

I tried to keep my voice even and calm. Courtney’s body was pulsating and stiff. She was making the telltale gurgling sound in the back of her throat while she continued to seize in my arms.

At seven she was longer and leaner so trying to control her legs and arms during one of her grand mal seizures was challenging to say the least. I held her in my arms while sitting in a cramped airport chair while Jerry knelt next to her holding her head and watched her breathing. Her lips were beginning to turn blue for the millionth time.

I was in Paris, France and everything in my world was about to change. Yet this moment was all too familiar.

After six or seven minutes Courtney’s body finally relaxed and her breathing stabilized. The worst was over and now she was like a limp rag doll. I curled her to my body, holding this beautiful little girl with her Shirley Temple curls and took a deep breath. Jerry reached up and gently wiped away a lone tear on my cheek that had escaped my tortured heart. He settled into the chair next to me, rubbing the linoleum floor rivets out of his knees.

“How is she doing?” asked one of the lovely women we were traveling with. “That one was pretty strong. Are you both OK? What can we get for you?”

I just sat there not focused on anyone but Court. These people were total strangers and yet they were holding us and caring for us and out girl. It was a little overwhelming. Jerry answered and told her we were fine and nothing was needed at this time.

I looked down at my watch and knew we had two more hours before our next flight. I took a minute to look out the window and all I could see were planes lined up for take off. It was my first time in Paris and all I could see were other planes.

Not the romantic picture I had in my mind for sure.

After another ten minutes or so, Jerry took his sleeping princess and placed her gently into her wheelchair, tilting it back to support her head. After adjusting her coat and covering her with her favorite blankie, I looked into my husband’s eyes and saw such love surrounded by rings of weariness that I truly understood. I got up and took two steps to the huge windows soaking in the sun on my face hoping it would penetrate the storm brewing in my heart.

Miss Courtney get ready to fly across the ocean...
Finally the day arrived and we settled into our seats on the plane preparing for the overnight, overseas flight. Jerry was old hat at international travel. Not so for me...I had always stayed behind. I was thrilled and terrified all in the same breath. We had been praying consistently for months about the outcome of this trip. The time had finally arrived to walk the walk.

After arriving in Paris, we deplaned and waited for the little puddle jumper that would take us closer to Lourdes. After that flight we would take a bus into the town.

I was holding Miss Courtney in my lap sitting in the concourse when all hell broke loose.

“Just breathe sweetie. Mommas here”

I tried to keep my voice even and calm. Courtney’s body was pulsating and stiff. She was making the telltale gurgling sound in the back of her throat while she continued to seize in my arms.

At seven she was longer and leaner so trying to control her legs and arms during one of her grand mal seizures was challenging to say the least. I held her in my arms while sitting in a cramped airport chair while Jerry knelt next to her holding her head and watched her breathing. Her lips were beginning to turn blue for the millionth time.

I was in Paris, France and everything in my world was about to change. Yet this moment was all too familiar.

After six or seven minutes Courtney’s body finally relaxed and her breathing stabilized. The worst was over and now she was like a limp rag doll. I curled her to my body, holding this beautiful little girl with her Shirley Temple curls and took a deep breath. Jerry reached up and gently wiped away a lone tear on my cheek that had escaped my tortured heart. He settled into the chair next to me, rubbing the linoleum floor rivets out of his knees.

“How is she doing?” asked one of the lovely women we were traveling with. “That one was pretty strong. Are you both OK? What can we get for you?”

I just sat there not focused on anyone but Court. These people were total strangers and yet they were holding us and caring for us and out girl. It was a little overwhelming. Jerry answered and told her we were fine and nothing was needed at this time.

I looked down at my watch and knew we had two more hours before our next flight. I took a minute to look out the window and all I could see were planes lined up for take off. It was my first time in Paris and all I could see were other planes.

Not the romantic picture I had in my mind for sure.

After another ten minutes or so, Jerry took his sleeping princess and placed her gently into her wheelchair, tilting it back to support her head. After adjusting her coat and covering her with her favorite blankie, I looked into my husband’s eyes and saw such love surrounded by rings of weariness that I truly understood. I got up and took two steps to the huge windows soaking in the sun on my face hoping it would penetrate the storm brewing in my heart.

Back home in the Grotto at St Mary of Sorrows Historic Church...
my Dad second from the right kneeling while praying the Rosary for Courtney.
“Then we will take her home and continue to love her just like we do now. But don’t give up Mar. God is going to do great things. I know it.”

I ate my fries burning the roof of my mouth. I just kept eating soothing the irritation with the milkshake. After a few more minutes, we got up and walked back to our gate. We arrived just in time. They were beginning to board all the pilgrims. Courtney was still sound asleep. She never knew I had left her.

Somehow that made me feel better.

We got her settled on the plane and my milkshake and fries began to turn in my stomach. Courtney was seated in between Jerry and I, all snuggled in her blanket, still sleeping and snuggled into her Daddy. Oh how he loved his little girl. I closed my eyes, took my rosary out of my jacket pocket and began to pray.

OK, Momma Mary, we are on our way. I hope you're ready for us.

The plane ride was a bit bumpy due to weather. Courtney and Jerry slept the whole time totally unaffected by the turmoil that surrounded them. I had prayed my rosary, begged God in my prayer, promised Him everything I could think of if He just did this ONE thing.

Finally I was drifting off to sleep when we began our decent. My timing was always the best! 

We landed and were one step closer to holy ground. After we got out luggage, we all boarded a bus for the last leg of our trip to Lourdes. It was raining and cold.  I bundled Court up as best I could. We did not need to have a sick child on our hands for this adventure. Just the thought made my stomach churn.

Once again I begged God for yet one more favor to keep her well while we were here.

While on the bus, we were given our schedules for the week. As soon as we arrived we would be meeting up with all the other American pilgrims for a kick off Mass to our week in Lourdes. Then we would have dinner. I had no idea what day it was at this point. I did know we were six hours ahead of everyone at home in Virginia.

I realized that everyone back at home would be gathering in a few hours (VA time) to celebrate Mass and say the rosary all for our daughter. We had chosen that date and time because we thought we would be in the baths then. We wanted to have as much prayer support as possible during that process.

Looking at the schedule I realized that we would not go to the baths until tomorrow morning. We hadn’t even gotten off the bus and things were already messed up. This was so typical of our life.

Why couldn’t one thing go right I thought.

My irrational fears were bubbling to the surface once again. There was nothing I could so about it now.

We made our way through the city heading to the little town Lourdes. We drove through the smallest streets I had ever seen. How the huge bus was able to navigate the tight turns on the mountain roads I will never know. We finally arrived at our hotel and had to hustle to get to Mass on time.

There were over three thousand people there. It was amazing to see all the wheelchairs and canes. There were mothers holding children, wives holding husbands and husbands holding wives. There were children holding parents and the Knights and Dames of Malta were everywhere helping anyone in need.

Singing "Immaculate Mary" at the Grotto in Fairfax, Va.
We were surrounded in prayer for the entire trip. 
Mass was powerful and so filled with expectation. We were finally here and God was going to perform a miracle by healing our daughter. It was OK that we messed up on scheduling the Mass back at home. Those prayers weren’t wasted. God had to pay attention. It wasn’t just me praying anymore.

He had to listen this time. He had to!

After communion I closed my eyes and tried to visualize Courtney walking out of the bathes and into my arms. I was frustrated because I had trouble seeing her legs. I saw her face smiling and laughing. I saw her reach for me and call me “Momma” but I couldn’t see her legs. I shook my head to clear my mind. I decided I didn’t need to. God was going to work a miracle and I would just have to wait and see what it looked like.

I couldn’t wait.

After Mass, the Knights and Dames were so wonderful in helping get everyone settled in their rooms. Courtney had woken up in the middle of Mass but had been fairly quiet during that time. Now she was hungry. We went down to the dining room with the others from our delegation. The smells were fabulous. There was fresh crusty bread, a savory fish stew and something sweet for desert.  We sat down and prepared to start feeding Courtney, when a young dame approached us.

“Hi. This must be Courtney. I had heard about these curls on the plane ride over. I’m Blanche.” She offered her hand to Jerry and I. “What can I do to help with her care?”

I was stunned for a second. I had had more help in the last twelve hours than I had had in years.

“Ummm. I was just going to feed her,” I said sounding a bit befuddled.

“Well then I arrived just in time. I can do that.” She sat down and I instructed her in what Courtney could eat, soft foods that were easily mashed. We had some toddler baby food back in the room if there weren’t enough offerings at meals.

Blanche proceeded to chop a small bowl of fish stew with potatoes and carrots. She fed Courtney and I ate my meal while it was still hot. I couldn’t remember the last time that happened at dinner time.

I slathered my bread with French butter. It felt so decadent to be eating French bread with French butter in France. “Mary, you're not in Virginia anymore.” The butter melted on the warm bread. It was so rich it tasted like brie, creamy and sweet. I don’t think I had any expectations in regard to the food or our surroundings but this was wonderful.

The meal was filled with lively conversation as members of our team were sharing their stories and getting to know each other. People had come to Lourdes seeking cures for cancer, MS, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, Lupus, and so many other ailments. There were those seeking healing for broken minds and spirits. Those seeking a spiritual communion with God they felt they couldn’t get anywhere else. For the first time, I felt like Courtney’s ailments and disabilities were minor in comparison.

After dinner, we headed back to the room to prepare for bed. It was past ten p.m. French time. The hotel room was tiny. There was a double bed for Jerry and I and a small single cot for Courtney against one wall. We only had a tub. No shower. Bathing Court was going to be interesting. I started to pace the small room. It took six steps to get to the window. I was still on East Coast time. The restless energy was bubbling up inside and I needed to move.

“Let’s get out of here.” I said.

He chuckled. “And go where exactly?”

“Let’s just take a walk to the Domain. I need to know what to expect tomorrow.”

“The Domain” was the name given to the grounds of the Shrine of Lourdes. There were three Basilicas built on the actual shrine where the Blessed Mother appeared to St. Bernadette years ago.

As I turned to make my third lap around the room he sighed. “I’m not going to be able to change your mind am I? Mar, I’m tired.”

“Oh come on. You slept on the plane. Let’s just take a quick walk. Court’s wide-awake so we won’t be sleeping anyway. Please.”

Once again I was begging. I had gotten really good at it in the last fourteen hours or so.

“Fine.”

We bundled Courtney up and headed out. Thankfully the rain had stopped. When we started down the little hill toward the Domain, we ran into one of the Knight of Malta couples that had traveled with us. They asked where we were headed and we told them we wanted to see the grounds. Everything was so well lit and bright even though it was now almost midnight there was so much activity.

I came to find out that Lourdes never sleeps.

They walked with us and we chatted quietly about the trip and what we could expect. They encouraged us to keep an open mind and listen to what God was telling us through His Blessed Mother.

We passed the cathedral in all its glory high upon the hill. Jerry and I were both struck by it's complexity and beauty. We stopped in front of the grand staircase leading up to a stunning entrance to one of Gods house. Courtney started humming as if to tell us she knew we were someplace special.

We continued on coming around the corner to where the actual shrine was located we were met with a wall of silence. It was jolting. One moment you were surrounded by the buzz of hundreds of people and then 

SILENCE

Amazing, beautiful silence.

 Not one word being spoken aloud.

All you hear was the shuffle of feet, people whispering softly in prayer and the sounds of the stream swiftly sweeping by. The holy water that was once a little trickle from a mountain was now a rushing stream that needed a little foot bridge to go over. To think that wasn’t here before St. Bernadette dug into that holy ground 150 years ago, just miraculous.

Trying to take it all in, I stopped for a moment. I couldn’t believe we were here. I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. That’s when I saw her. A marble statue of the Blessed Mother placed into the mountain at the exact spot where little Bernadette saw her all those years ago surrounded by the light of hundreds of candles.

My word it was a stunning sight. It took my breath away.

I knew then, my life would never be the same no matter what happened here. God was present and it was time to pay attention to what He needed to say. He was going to heal our daughter and I couldn’t wait.

We wheeled Courtney towards the shrine and sat on one of the benches just trying to take it all in. She was humming softly singing her own love song to Momma Mary. I whispered into her ear where we were and what it looked like. At one point she smiled and my heart just swelled watching the joy on her face. I couldn't keep the tears in. They streamed down my face and I tried to cry as quietly as I could. Jerry put is arm around me while gently pushing Court too and fro so whe wouldn’t start to fuss in her wheelchair. The Knight and dame just stood behind us quietly with their hands on our shoulders.

After a moment or two, I lifted Courtney from her chair and held her in my arms.

Silence embraced us as I pulled Courtney’s little body toward my heart.

As I held my daughter in my arms, rocking her back and forth I was completely overwhelmed by my surroundings knowing the miracles that have taken place on this holy ground. I couldn’t believe we were actually here.


Lourdes at night...image source


Mass was powerful and so filled with expectation. We were finally here and God was going to perform a miracle by healing our daughter. It was OK that we messed up on scheduling the Mass back at home. Those prayers weren’t wasted. God had to pay attention. It wasn’t just me praying anymore.

He had to listen this time. He had to!

After communion I closed my eyes and tried to visualize Courtney walking out of the bathes and into my arms. I was frustrated because I had trouble seeing her legs. I saw her face smiling and laughing. I saw her reach for me and call me “Momma” but I couldn’t see her legs. I shook my head to clear my mind. I decided I didn’t need to. God was going to work a miracle and I would just have to wait and see what it looked like.

I couldn’t wait.

After Mass, the Knights and Dames were so wonderful in helping get everyone settled in their rooms. Courtney had woken up in the middle of Mass but had been fairly quiet during that time. Now she was hungry. We went down to the dining room with the others from our delegation. The smells were fabulous. There was fresh crusty bread, a savory fish stew and something sweet for desert.  We sat down and prepared to start feeding Courtney, when a young dame approached us.

“Hi. This must be Courtney. I had heard about these curls on the plane ride over. I’m Blanche.” She offered her hand to Jerry and I. “What can I do to help with her care?”

I was stunned for a second. I had had more help in the last twelve hours than I had had in years.

“Ummm. I was just going to feed her,” I said sounding a bit befuddled.

“Well then I arrived just in time. I can do that.” She sat down and I instructed her in what Courtney could eat, soft foods that were easily mashed. We had some toddler baby food back in the room if there weren’t enough offerings at meals.

Blanche proceeded to chop a small bowl of fish stew with potatoes and carrots. She fed Courtney and I ate my meal while it was still hot. I couldn’t remember the last time that happened at dinner time.

I slathered my bread with French butter. It felt so decadent to be eating French bread with French butter in France. “Mary, you're not in Virginia anymore.” The butter melted on the warm bread. It was so rich it tasted like brie, creamy and sweet. I don’t think I had any expectations in regard to the food or our surroundings but this was wonderful.

The meal was filled with lively conversation as members of our team were sharing their stories and getting to know each other. People had come to Lourdes seeking cures for cancer, MS, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, Lupus, and so many other ailments. There were those seeking healing for broken minds and spirits. Those seeking a spiritual communion with God they felt they couldn’t get anywhere else. For the first time, I felt like Courtney’s ailments and disabilities were minor in comparison.

After dinner, we headed back to the room to prepare for bed. It was past ten p.m. French time. The hotel room was tiny. There was a double bed for Jerry and I and a small single cot for Courtney against one wall. We only had a tub. No shower. Bathing Court was going to be interesting. I started to pace the small room. It took six steps to get to the window. I was still on East Coast time. The restless energy was bubbling up inside and I needed to move.

“Let’s get out of here.” I said.

He chuckled. “And go where exactly?”

“Let’s just take a walk to the Domain. I need to know what to expect tomorrow.”

“The Domain” was the name given to the grounds of the Shrine of Lourdes. There were three Basilicas built on the actual shrine where the Blessed Mother appeared to St. Bernadette years ago.

As I turned to make my third lap around the room he sighed. “I’m not going to be able to change your mind am I? Mar, I’m tired.”

“Oh come on. You slept on the plane. Let’s just take a quick walk. Court’s wide-awake so we won’t be sleeping anyway. Please.”

Once again I was begging. I had gotten really good at it in the last fourteen hours or so.

“Fine.”

We bundled Courtney up and headed out. Thankfully the rain had stopped. When we started down the little hill toward the Domain, we ran into one of the Knight of Malta couples that had traveled with us. They asked where we were headed and we told them we wanted to see the grounds. Everything was so well lit and bright even though it was now almost midnight there was so much activity.

I came to find out that Lourdes never sleeps.

They walked with us and we chatted quietly about the trip and what we could expect. They encouraged us to keep an open mind and listen to what God was telling us through His Blessed Mother.

We passed the cathedral in all its glory high upon the hill. Jerry and I were both struck by it's complexity and beauty. We stopped in front of the grand staircase leading up to a stunning entrance to one of Gods house. Courtney started humming as if to tell us she knew we were someplace special.

We continued on coming around the corner to where the actual shrine was located we were met with a wall of silence. It was jolting. One moment you were surrounded by the buzz of hundreds of people and then 

SILENCE

Amazing, beautiful silence.

 Not one word being spoken aloud.

All you hear was the shuffle of feet, people whispering softly in prayer and the sounds of the stream swiftly sweeping by. The holy water that was once a little trickle from a mountain was now a rushing stream that needed a little foot bridge to go over. To think that wasn’t here before St. Bernadette dug into that holy ground 150 years ago, just miraculous.

Trying to take it all in, I stopped for a moment. I couldn’t believe we were here. I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. That’s when I saw her. A marble statue of the Blessed Mother placed into the mountain at the exact spot where little Bernadette saw her all those years ago surrounded by the light of hundreds of candles.

My word it was a stunning sight. It took my breath away.

I knew then, my life would never be the same no matter what happened here. God was present and it was time to pay attention to what He needed to say. He was going to heal our daughter and I couldn’t wait.

We wheeled Courtney towards the shrine and sat on one of the benches just trying to take it all in. She was humming softly singing her own love song to Momma Mary. I whispered into her ear where we were and what it looked like. At one point she smiled and my heart just swelled watching the joy on her face. I couldn't keep the tears in. They streamed down my face and I tried to cry as quietly as I could. Jerry put is arm around me while gently pushing Court too and fro so whe wouldn’t start to fuss in her wheelchair. The Knight and dame just stood behind us quietly with their hands on our shoulders.

After a moment or two, I lifted Courtney from her chair and held her in my arms.

Silence embraced us as I pulled Courtney’s little body toward my heart.

As I held my daughter in my arms, rocking her back and forth I was completely overwhelmed by my surroundings knowing the miracles that have taken place on this holy ground. I couldn’t believe we were actually here.

***if you would like to read more...click here...thank you***

Copyright 2011 - Mary E. Lenaburg

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